Thursday, July 26, 2007


Milk spraying directly into your baby's eye from an overactive milk duct WILL make your child cry.  And if you (hypothetically) don't notice it instantly due to your attention being on your laptop, you WILL feel guilty. 

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Easy Come, Easy Go

The car is back in the shop. Intermittent power to the dash (no speedometer at around 60 mph. Eerie.) Also,
'check engine' light is on. Homestead Mama and I are resolute. It is as if our car had a heart transplant, and now we need to monitor it for a while until all the symptoms are worked out.

Can I say, though, that no matter how many errands I got done today, I am sorely disappointed to be housebound again? There will be nothing left to do tomorrow but chores. Sigh.

Monito is clearly in his Wonder Week 5. He ate all day. He nursed through 5 different stores, and cried in the car in between stores. I have resorted to liberally swabbing my tired affected areas with lanolin to aid in keeping them up to the challenge of feeding him through the growth spurt. If needed, I do have a freezer drawer full of frozen pumped milk. This is a relief, and well worth all the late night pumping, however annoying at the time. He also fusses and cries in between feeding during the witching hours, for him about 5 pm - 11 pm. Now that I'm back on the ball, it is much more manageable for both of us. Also, we reinstalled the string of colored Christmas lights in the living room - a very whiskey tango decor look, since they are just dangling along a wall mirror, but they amaze and distract the boy in this phase, which is a huge blessing. We'll take them down in a few weeks when they we are all more relaxed.
Monito didn't particularly enjoy the thrill of being carried down this 150 year old steep staircase by a mum with a bad ankle in this vehicle. Cute though, eh?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I've got wheels

We picked up the Toyota tonight at 9 pm (it took us that long to get ourselves organized after H-mama got home from work).  She will drive it to work tomorrow to test it out, new engine and all.  I'll be back in my beloved Volvo.  Joy!  I have a long list titled "Car chores" consisting of things I was waiting for a car to accomplish.  First on the list, after driving up to pay my car guy the $3100 we owe him - ack choke! - is to buy Maya her own wallet just like mine, get some key blanks and credit card  blanks and outfit it just like mine.  The only thing that will soother her when she is melting down is my wallet, and I live in fear of losing it.  For example, I just went out to fetch it from under her car seat where it fell after she was done playing with it.  I think the leather feels good on her sore gums, but any ace in the hole to have in reserve for the 7 hour drive to our chosen vacation spot is a good investment at this point.
Firstly, my copy of Harry Potter arrived from the UK. I like their version much better than the US version, plus I'm offended that the US publishers strip the book of all things British, like we don't know what a lorry is, or a bloke. Harrumph. The best thing of all? It will take me forever to read it, since I will be reading it in 2 page increments due to parenting.

Secondly, I wanted to update the night time situation. It is much much better. I have started swaddling Monito despite his regular protests, and this makes him sleep the night through (ptthuh, ptthuh - the sound of spitting to ward off evil & jinxes), with maybe one waking. This is wonderful - fantastic, even. Except I am still waking up at least twice to deal with the milk that threatens to morph into blocked ducts or worse if I don't pump. Homestead Mama, whose milk supply is stable and steady, has generously offered me Pequita in the nighttime. She can decant off enough milk when she wakes enough to nurse to ease my discomfort. Seems odd, though, to be pumping 6 - 12 oz of milk per night & freezing it while the boy sleeps on. The La Leche monthly night meeting was cancelled tonight, so I'll have to wait until next Wednesday's 10 am meeting to chat about this. On the plus side, I have successfully tandem nursed twice now, and Pequita, while curious to the point of popping off the boob repeatedly to examine her brother & check out what must seem like odd competition, seems perfectly willing to participate. This consists of me nursing Monito in a regular cradle hold, and Pequita sits on the bed/couch and leans her head back onto my lap on top of Monito's feet and nurses too. It is quite amazing to behold. It will only get easier as Monito can maneuver his own head better.

Third. My dashingly handsome son, who is 5.5 weeks old, is wearing 3 - 6 month old clothing - definitely not too big, see?

His little legs and arms poke out of all the 0 - 3 month clothes we saved from Pequita. He is displeased, clearly, at the hand-me-down situation, as evidenced by his expression of being captured on film in PINK POLKA DOTS.
Fourth. Pequita's real lead levels are 8.75. A score of 9.0 is the upper end of what they are comfortable with, so she is pushing the limit. We are diligently de-leading the homestead, and will recheck her blood in 3 months at her regular checkup. If it isn't improved, I believe we then call in the Lead Mitigating Team from the health department. There is no treatment until her blood reaches the 40 level, so this is all we can do now. Doesn't seem like enough to me.
Fifth. Pequita is definitely relaxing to her brothers presence. She might be learning 'gentle' in regards to her touching, as she is doing better at not grasping immediately for his soft spot with her sharp and strong little fingers, but she looks for him in the room now when she enters it, and turns to him when he chirps and squeals. This is GREAT news.
Sixth. I had some thoughts about things non-children, as well as (I think) some really good and useful tips on pregnancy, birthing and the post-natal period, but now that I've posted pics and updated on the babes Monita has woken up. Sigh.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Grandma Goes Home (Retro post, July 17)

This was my mother's last full day here with us. She arrived at 7am on June 13 after driving through the night to care for Pequita while I gave birth to Monito. It has been about 5 weeks, and while it is really too long for an easy visit, our lives have been much the better for her presence. We have been forced to work through inevitable arguments, and be civil in the face of grumpiness. She had tirelessly cared for Pequita when Homestead Mama is at work, doing yard work, working on a project or needs a nap. She has kept the house a damn sight cleaner than it ever would have been, kept us in quite yummy homemade food and stocked our freezer with casseroles and food to last us the next several months. All this has given me time with Monito that I wouldn't have had - time to fall in love with him, work through my breast feeding issues, mostly just time to be selfishly focused on me and my new baby. It is a huge gift.

We went out to lunch at the local Mexican-fusion joint. The street outside was torn up and crawling with construction workers, equipment and vehicles. Noisy, busy and wafting diesel exhaust - PERFECT for entertaining a 9 month old. We had a tasty lunch while Monito slept and Pequita stared all agog at the activity.

Afterwards we took the babes to the park. I ran into some friends with babies and reconnected with them - the more folks I have to call to hang with the better. Mom kept up with Pequita, and brought her into the fountain for the first time. After an initial skittishness, she embraced the cold sprinklers and the other kids were very kind to her, talking her through the vagaries of filling super-soaking guns, how to best run through without getting your face wet and other wisdom. She didn't want to leave, and quickly graduated from clinging to grandma to going it alone with the spray. Next time, however, I'll have to have some swim diapers on hand. Her diaper was totally soggy and heavy after 30 minutes in water.

Facing time at home alone with the baby with no car, we ran errands and went shopping, stocking up the fridge. Then home for a nap all around before Homestead Mama got home from work. Mom left the next day at about 10 am - I'm sure my dad was happy to have her home again. I miss her and keep calling to update her on the kids. She is loving her own bed, but said she is lonely without the grandkids at arms reach.

Lazy Sunday (Retro Post, July 15th)

Our last weekend with my mother here to help out. We slept in as long as possible. This translates into Homestead Mama getting up with Pequita at 7am & taking her downstairs to play until 9am, when she brings her back up and they return to sleep. I've been in bed with Monito all this time, since he starts fussing at 4am and I only doze for the last few hours of the night. We wake up to this, usually:
Family life with two babies is never dull, and we are rarely still anymore. One of the babes is usually active and awake and needing tending. It is manageable with both of us present, but when only one of us is available, complications set in quickly. When we return from our lovely beach vacation in mid-August and I am planning to be home with both babes alone, I expect much crying (from all of us) as we adjust to not getting what we want when we want it. This picture really captures how my brain perceives the 1 parent to 2 baby ratio - all is well, but things are moving fast.
Pequita has definitely figured out that her brother exists and is here for her to abuse. H-mama was tending to her while I tried to capture Monito's blue eyes before they change to brown (which I am still hoping doesn't happen) and here are two pictures taken 4 seconds apart.

1. happy baby enjoying his soothie:
2. baby confused at sister's plump arm removing his soothie long before he was done with it. Seconds later, it was in her happy mouth being gnawed on to relieve sore teething gums.

Poor Monito has a few rough months left as he trails behind his very active savant sister in size and dexterity. He'll catch up soon enough.

Accomodating Pudge (Retro Post July 14th)

The new spring came for the Amby Hammock. This new spring is rated up to 40 pounds and will accomodate Little Miss 90th percentile, Pequita. Poor Monito loses out, as the poor boy cannot make the hammock bounce at all with his measly little 12 pounds. It will be safer in the long run, and as a 95th percentile baby, he'll be bouncing soon enough.

Plumbum (Retro Post - July 13)

We were back at the pediatricians office today; Pequita was due for her 9 month well visit, and Monito had his 1 month visit. Both are healthy. We had few questions, and in response to them the Doc had good advice about how to minimize Monito's spit up problems (feed him at a 30 degree angle on my chest, as the esophagus enters the stomach from the back) and some comforting but useless help about Pequita's constipation. Then they did the regular 9 month blood test on Pequita. Here she is exiting the exam room, having demanded to walk out of her own volition.
Lead. Pequita has an elevated lead level, according to her finger stick & the portable, admittedly less reliable tester machine. Elevated only one point above the acceptable normal range, but since we live in the 150 year old homestead, we are concerned. Her exposure could be nothing - we were told to go to the hospital on Monday for a real blood draw & to have the test run on a regular machine vs. the portable one in our pediatric office. However, the predictions are dire for kids who have lead poisoning. She could have been exposed in a myriad ways, but the most likely culprit is our own home. I bought some lead tests and have been swabbing everything in the house. We removed almost all the original woodwork in the house during the renovation, as we knew it had lead paint on it (and it would have taken months to delicately remove it, strip it, and reinstall it). We still have a few original doors in the house, admittedly with their original paint on them. Also, we have 2 step-back cabinets that test positive for lead paint. The one in the living room I bought for a song at an auction and we have begun stripping it already, the other is original to the house in an out of the way place and we'll get to soon.
When Monday rolled around, my mom and I took the kids to the hospital to get Pequita's real blood test, as Homestead Mama had to go to work. It nearly broke my heart to lay down next to my daughter on a hospital gurney and hold her still while the tech stuck her in the crook of her arm to draw a huge vial of blood. I'm not sure if Pequita cried harder because of the needle stick or the act of being pinned down by strangers. There were two nurses doing it, as she was a baby and they are famous for thrashing around. Afterwards, she recovered quickly and we all went to lunch in the hospital cafeteria for lunch - this was a planned reward for Pequita's suffering. The only thing that made her stop picking at her bandage was pureed squash - mmmmmmmm.
The food is quite good for a cafeteria, cheap, and there is no one to care if the babies melt down or H-mama and I are both whipping boobs in and out while we breastfeed. I am not kidding when I say that Homestead Mama and I will likely be eating out there with some regularity when we need to get out of the house. Restaurants are very hard for us these days - Pequita always manages to overturn a beverage, and we are starting to leave a mess in our wake as she insists on helping feed herself. I usually tip more the bigger the mess we make, but it isn't relaxing in most restaurants. The sacrifices one makes as a parent - sheesh! Gone are the days of our yummy adult restaurants with lovely wine cellars and fantastic table service. Our standards are so different these days.

On the plus side, Monito has begun smiling in response to us smiling at him. He is adorable, we have decided. We figure we'll keep him. Wouldn't you?

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Wonder Week 5

I had forgotten. It took me 2 hours and 45 minutes, milk from both boobs, singing and constant bouncing on the yoga ball to get Monito to sleep. We had a lovely day with a 2 mile walk in the sun by the lake during which he slept, clearly saving his strength for this evening. I just ate dinner at 11 pm. He did like his 8 pm bath, and made his happy sound a lot when I had him submerged up to the armpits in warm water. (The happy sound is a nasal little sigh which is usually accompanied by a smile-like expression and lots of eye contact. Very endearing.) Then came the crying/spitting up/ eating/ spitting up jag that lasted until he collapsed.

So more stories will have to wait. Goodnight!

(Of note lately: Pequita tested a tiny bit high for lead in her blood - very bad. We retested at the hospital and are waiting for results. She learned to hold her bottle inverted to drink from it herself. She took her first step today. Monito is holding his head up much of the time. He tracks us with his eyes well. He still isn't growing hair on the top of his head :( but I guess there is still time. He will hold himself up with his legs, and will arrange his body by pushing with arms and legs on me.)

Thursday, July 19, 2007

I Vant To Be Alone

Actually, I am grateful for every day my mother could stay here helping out. She left Wed am, Homestead Mama started back to work full time this past Monday, and I have been alone with the boy. Homestead Mama drops Pequita off at daycare & picks her up each evening, and I spend the day at home with Monito living quietly, reveling in the few chores I can accomplish in between feedings, and have already had 2 friends stop over to visit. I love this!

I just googled the Wonder Weeks, since in the clutter that fills my house I cannot find the actual book, and find that we are just now hitting two - count them TWO - of the stormy periods at the same time, 36 weeks and 6 weeks. Lucky us. Pequita was up to nurse many times last night which is exhausting, particularly for H-mama. Usually she is up maybe twice. Because she has to work, I have been waking around 5 am and tending to the boy (and Pequita as I am able) to let her keep sleeping. I can take a nap once they go to work/ daycare, except on days like this when I make myself a cup of coffee w/ the beans my mother bought while here. Oops - caffeinated, and I am now a lightweight after about 3 years of abstaining in preparation for procreation. I have been buzzing since about 9:30 am.

I'll post a lot shortly. I apologize. I have many pictures and updates, not the least of which is that my awesome mechanic found an engine for our car, so by mid-next week I should have wheels (=freedom) again. I can't wait!

xoxo Homestead Mom

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Day Three Victory

If anyone had told me that I'd be cheering and running around the house joyfully calling for my partner to tell her the good news that our son FINALLY pooped after three days of holding out and being uncomfortable I'd never have believed them. Seems so small and silly but I can assure you that it is not when you are in the thick of it. Monito grunted and strained and squealed for 20 minutes while he worked on this little project. Finally, he successfully won the battle. The pediatrician said that it takes coordination to know when to both tense his abdominal muscles and relax his butt. Wouldn't you think that with all the evolutionary developments we would have started being born knowing how to poop? Oy.

This morning found Homestead Mama and I scrambling madly trying to get out of the house in time to meet up - for the first time in 7 months - with the mother's group I've been wanting to join up with. There was a hike in a nature preservve for the regulars as well as the full-time workers & partners/husbands. We careened into the parking lot 6 minutes late, and were pleased to not be the last to arrive. About 9 of us (including babies) hiked a gentle path for about an hour while we compared notes on our kids and chatted. It was really lovely. By the end, all but one of the babes were lolling their sleeping heads in their respective backpack carriers. Monito slept through the whole thing with a couple of quick nursing pauses along the way. We then went out for Mexican lunch afterwards with one of the couples. Upon arriving home, I strated wondering aloud if hiking was the wiseest move only 4 weeks after a c-section. I spent the rest of the day relaxing & dosing on ibu.profen just in case I had made an error in judgement. Hottie friend stopped in for an hour around 8:30 p with her visiting sister in tow. She used her visit time wisely and left the house more in love with Monito than she was when she arrived. Not hard to do.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

msg to my okie cousins who left comments

hey, you two.  could you send me your email addresses so i can reply offline?  i'm thrilled you're enjoying the blog. 

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

continuity (with a side of baby butt)

i am sitting in my bedroom, in a chair my mother rocked me to sleep in 38 years ago, rocking my son to sleep. he has been experiencing annoying & worrisome (for me) painful & frustrating (for him) gas and spitting up for the last couple days. i was relieved to go to the pediatrician today to ask about it, except i wrote down the wrong day and we all hauled ourselves to the docs for nothing today. we'll go back on friday when they'll actually be expecting us. hysterical mistake with 2 infants, eh? to make it worth all the effort, we weighed the babes. pequita shocked us by only having gained half a pound per week, which means she's on a normal trajectory; she now weighs 22 lbs and a couple ounces (we didn't take off their diapers since it was an unofficial weigh-in.) monito, whose nickname might become brutus, is still gaining a pound a week and is now 12 lbs +. the woman in the waiting room thought he was 2 months old; he turned 9 months two days ago.

the hormones and time have worked - i am as over the moon for our son as i am over pequita. he looks a lot like me and the side of the family that he is named for (his real name, that is; you all know that i didn't really name my kids what i call them here on the blog, right?) monito lools so much like my dad as an infant, too, that it is clear my family genes, blond and blue-eyed though they may be, are sufficiently sturdy as to trump the 4 generations (that we know about) of dark-eyed and -haired donor genes. it is very special. he's got my eyes & eyebrows, nose, crooked pinky fingers, and (sadly) my enormous skull.

we ended our afternoon of errands today at the local university's psych l ab, having volunteered pequita for a linguistics / language acquisition experiment. or so they said - i took enough psych courses in college to know that they don't tell us what the real experiment is about so we don't impact the results. while i nursed an unquiet baby boy behind 2-way mirror, homestead mama played w/ pequita in the lab's playroom to acclimate her to the space. the tester commented that pequita crawled amazingly well for the short time she's been mobile while i beamed and bit my tongue to keep from recounting the 6 million ways in which she manifests her superior intellect and physical prowess. tomorrow we take pequita back for another 30 minutes of play - the first and third 10 minute stretches h-mama will do more free play, and the middle 10 minute stretch h-mama will do what the experimenter tells her to do in an earpiece a la fbi operative. very interesting so far. i've always wanted kids that i could volunteer as lab rats. too many psych electives and too much college town living, i suppose.

a couple days ago the kids has their first experience in a pool. we filled a cheap plastic pool with about 3" of bracingly cold water from our well and eased them out of the 95 degree humid air into the liquid heaven. unsurprisingly, monito (who really only had his toes dipped for a split-second) hated it and squealed in his usual protest sound. pequita fell in love with her pool, cold water, hot summer days and her moms for bringing it all together for her. behold pure bliss:
at this rate, i think our upcoming vacation to the cape cod beach will be a roaring success. and can i just take a little credit for finding the perfect swimsuit for the baby daughter of two dykes? recognizably gay with rainbow stripes but tastefully executed with cute but not frou-frou bows on the hips. and all for $1.50 at the used baby goods store. damn, but i'm good. and pequita's most amazing built-by-breastmilk hunk-a hunk-a burning baby butt & thighs. we are so proud.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Farmer's Market, Smalltown, NY

We love the farmer's market. The veggies are stacked high and green, the crafts and art are exceptionally good, and it is right on the lakefront. The food vendors are super and the gourmet coffee flows all day. There are musicians busking in a few places with no overlap of noise. Heaven on earth. We have been trying to go every Saturday morning for breakfast, socializing and to get our weekly veggies since we didn't sign up for a
CSA this summer - we'll have enough expenses coming up. (2 more car seats for Monito once he outgrows the infant seat Pequita vacated at an unbelievably early 7 months. I may ask Santa for them.) Anyway, we ate our Sri Lankan vegetarian food alongside some of the best spicy ribs known to humankind while sitting by the water. Here's a proud Grandma showing Pequita how to feed ducks from the docks. You can see the covered market area behind her. There are benches and sculpture and lovely play areas all along the water. Did I get pictures of those? No. Maybe next week.Here is a picture of Monito (granted, asleep in his fully reclined section of the best stroller in the world.) He is enjoying the folk band playing just beyond him immensely.

We did errands, cleaned and rested the rest of Saturday. I did get the Amby Hammock set up. I bought it for a steal off Craigs List last weekend in the off chance it helped with Pequita's new very light sleeping, and in hopes that Monito will be able to sleep in it when we go to the beach in August. So far, Pequita is quite happy in it. I ordered the extra strong spring that the hammock hangs from, since she is already at the top end of the allowed weight limit for the standard spring. It snugs around her like arms when we lay her in it, and if she moves or twitches at all it bounces and jiggles and sways in a most comforting way. She sleeps better in it than anywhere else other than on our chests in the rocker. Already it is worth what I paid, and if I resell in on Ebay once we are done with it I can easily net a $75 profit since I got it so cheaply. Monito is so far unimpressed, but doesn't hate it.Here is a comparison between Pequita at 8.5 months and Monito at 2.5 weeks. He is swaddled in green gauze, as he is in training for good sleeping habits like his sister has displayed up until a few weeks ago. She always nurses on Homestead Mama who sleeps on her left, and then flips around to face my side of the bed and whacks her hands and feet onto whoever is in her way. This night it was her brother. You can see the damp spots on his swaddle where my overzealous breasts have leaked on him while feeding. Thank goodness we got the super duper washer/dryer pair - we've been doing a load per day at least since he came home from the hospital.Sunday morning Homestead Mama was up early with Pequita. I stayed in bed with Monito, who had been struggling with gas since 4 am, grunting, whining and sleeping restlessly and only on my chest. At 9:30, Grandma woke up and took over watching Pequita so H-mama could come back to bed. After sleeping in, we zipped over to a friends house to pick raspberries. I sat on the porch nursing Monito and enjoying the view of the lake with said friend while Grandma and Homestead Mama picked 8 quarts of berries. Pequita was asleep on H-mama's back in the Ergo carrier my sister loaned us - it worked like a dream. All would have been well if Pequita hadn't removed her sun hat before falling asleep - no one noticed for at least an hour, so focused on eating & picking were they. We'll see just how good her genetics are, and if she burns by tomorrow. She showed no sign of having gotten any sun at all, so maybe my lathering her with sunblock before leaving the house helped.
Then it was home for a quick freshening up, and preparing dinner for our neighbors. We love to cook for them, as they both reciprocate regularly and totally appreciate good food. We had buffalo meat steaks, artfully prepared by Homestead Mama after a crash course in grilling by my father while he was here after Monito's birth, along with my wild mushroom polenta, kale & garlic, and CSA salad the neighbor brought. Dessert was, unsurprisingly, raspberries and cream. Early to bed in preparation for one last week of parental leave for Homestead Mama and visiting for my mom. I'll be on my own as of the 16th or so. I'm excited and full of trepidation. And really really hoping I have a car back soon.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

We're off to the farmer's market, our new Saturday ritual.  I'll post pictures upon my return. 
I actually handed off Monito to Homestead Mama this morning so I could SLEEP unfettered by rooting, crying and wiggling.  I got 90 minutes.  Deeee-licious.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

4th of July

It is pouring rain here, has been all day. Monito and I figured out how to side-lie nurse at about 4 am, and I slept 5 hours straight because of it. Bliss. I felt fabulous upon waking. Then I took a nap around 3 pm. I woke up happier still and STARVING.

Here are Pequita and Monito sleeping, just to keep up the theme.

Check out the size of his hands! He is plumping up, and has developed little jowls. I figured out that much of his congestion might be from spitting up - last night I caught him leaking spit up from his nostril. I was horrified, as that could really be uncomfortable. I did nothing but lots of burping and sleeping upright today since it is a holiday, but first thing tomorrow I'll be calling the doc to see if a medicine for reflux might be appropriate. Poor boy!

We spend a lot of time on this bench, as Pequita practices her standing on it and it is right by the front door.

Homestead Mama trying to whip the back 40 into submission. We got a little behind the mowing since the mower broke and the baby came. H-mama fixed the mower and is putting the acreage to rights.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

reality check.

typing one-handed, as always these days, from underneath a nursing baby.  leftie (typing, that is, nursing is actually rightie just now) which is harder but i'm improving...
my sister sees & hears the darkest bits of my life, and commented that the blog is a tiny bit pollyanna-esque after i called her a couple days ago in a vertiginous swirl of hormones.  thankfully, she made me laugh, commiserated and normalized the experience.  then i was emailing an update of my life to hottie friend who has been very kind despite my all but dropping off the face of the earth after Monito's birth, and decided to grab some of the text of my note to her to update the larger blog group.  (sorry, hottie friend, that this is such a redundant post for you.)
(by the way - for any new readers who learned about the blog from my fathers excited emails around the birth, welcome.  if it is t.m.i. or not your cup of tea, and you never felt the need to know this much about me, by all means, sign off and wait for the milder holiday newsletter. no harm, no foul.  if you like it, leave a comment and let me know.  it is always nice to know who's out there.)
lately i have been having the hormones more than i like, which puts the fear of god into me - it is such a dark and lonely place to have temp depression AND be responsible for a baby.  since i have a history of depression, it is always worrisome to imagine falling back into that hole.  i think that although i'll be tired, i will actually fell a little better mentally once my mom leaves as i'll have a sense of accomplishment if i can keep both kids alive by myself.  IF i have a car to keep active.  no word yet on a new engine.  since i still am not allowed to pick up pequita for another 3 weeks, i remain grateful as hell to my mom.  our lives would be much the worse without her right now.
i have pretty good days, but the nights are awful.  homestead mama has to work on tuesdays and i spend my nights (especially mon nights) trying to keep a squirmy 2.5 week old satisfied and happy and QUIET so he won't wake up pequita or h-mama.  my boobs leak all over me all night long if monito sleeps well, but if he is restless, like last night, i live in fear that i'll run lout of milk and he'll cry.  monito is a spitter-upper, which is gross & smelly.  we do laundry every day.  he has been congested since pequita's daycare cold hit him upon his return from the hospital, and particularly at night he frequently has trouble  breathing, which means he can't latch on to nurse.  i have to steam his head, freq at 3 am, and spray saline up his nostrils, then try to suck the snot out of his nose - all these activities choke and anger him.  all make him cry.  i feel like a beast and regularly cry through the procedures. 

allow me to comment momentarily on the positive side.  i now know my sons name instead of working through the list of pet names, cousins names and assorted nouns before arriving at the correct name for him, the one we selected months ago; i also now usually remember that he's a boy.  he gazes right into my eyes and will hold the look for long minutes.  he already enjoys watching mobiles and likes his pacifiers, 2 things that took pequita weeks to achieve.  he is really lovely.  he grunts and furrows his brow whenever he poops, which is hysterical.  i have learned to go to the bathroom with him dangling off my arm (b/c he is so long already) and can keep him nursing for the duration.  my boobs are awesome in the literal sense of the word.  they are huge and have excellent production.  i can't stop groping myself.  when i brush up against the nip.ples when they are full, they spray like a sprinkler.   and pequita is glorious, and now eats cheerios by herself.  we went on a playdate yesterday with an 11 month old and they seemed to enjoy watching each other play; homestead mama and i certainly enjoyed getting to know a new friend.
more later.  mom and i are going to - gasp - leave the house.  the sun is shining and the park beckons.