Golden pig year

Monita/o will be very lucky to be born not just in the auspicious Year of the Pig, but in a 'golden pig year', which only comes around once every 60 years or so. Perfect timing, I say. Who can't use prosperity and good fortune?

Pequita was born in the Year of the Dog, which is fine with us. Dogs have it pretty cushy chez nous. This morning our three had bacon gravy on their kibble, and yesterday it was leftover breastmilk - a little old, so questionable for baby but we don't waste a drop of it - liquid gold, we call it. The dogs agree.

Sickness and dogs and stress, oh my!

We are sick as a family, finally, after a long, lovely 5+ month reprieve. Pequita has been sleeping poorly for 3 nights now, with much waking, thrashing and crying. She is easily settled, but the disturbances due to her discomfort have left us all a little bleary-eyed. She has all the signs of teething (profuse salivation, lots of chewing on fingers/toys/anything, digestive inconsistencies, inability to stay on the boob for a whole uninterrupted feeding. Really, its classic. Then she added bad sniffles over the weekend, and she's either REALLY teething or she's also got a cold. She sounds like a bulldog when she breathes. Me? I have a bad cold w/ aches, swollen glands and the crowning immuno-suppressed glory, a cold sore. I am at work, nonetheless. Whimper.

I assume that all of you are watching the Westminster Kennel Club dog show in NYC? It is one of the highlights of our year. We love the dogs. We are scoping out our Next Dog, which must be bred to kill vermin, to help earn its keep at the Homestead. "Next Dog" is a little game we play. We have 3 dogs already, and will not get another until we are down to one. There is much joy to be had in discussing the relative merits of future animals for us. I was greatly saddened when one of my least favorite dogs won the terrier class. With all the gorgeous beasts on parade, who in there right minds would select the Dandie Dinmont Terrier as a winner? I KNOW that it isn't a competition between dogs, rather a contest to have the best breed standards in any given breed. Still. The terrier judge has been knocked down many notches in my esteem. On the other hand, Homestead Mama and I have decided that the Staffordshire terrier is high on our list of Next Dogs. Look how lovely! And good with kids, gentle, smart, and great at agility. Perfect for us.

Speaking of dogs, Homestead Mama's father called last night, and from what I could gather, he seemed to be asking her when my due date was. I was touched that he was planning for this, and wondered if he wanted to come visit this arguably not-quite-his grandchild after it was born. I misunderstood. He and his wife are going on their annual trip to the midwest to visit his son-in-law for a month in May and he wants us to, once again, take care of his 3 little dogs for the duration (2 toy poodles and a chihuahua). While I am 8 months pregnant. Homestead Mama, to her credit, said that might not work out, since I may go into labor early and it will be hard to have the dogs then. He apparently had this all planned out - we keep the little dogs UNTIL I go into labor, and then Homestead Mama drops them off at the local kennel before we go to the hospital to deliver.

Eeep.

Homestead Mama ended the call a few minutes later & came into the living room and asked me what I thought. Having smartened up in the last 7 years of navigating the minefield that is father-daughter relations, I didn't say what I thought. Instead, I said that it might be a little hard on her having even more responsibility right around the time that I will be at my most uncomfortable, unhelpful and unable to even SEE little dogs under foot (let alone see my feet) so as not to step on them. I thought that month before I am due should be as simple and stress-free as possible, since we already have a lot on our plates and have plans to be stripping paint off furniture (her, not me) and cleaning, sorting and purging for the biggest yard sale ever to make room in our home for another wee child. She seemed to concur. I'm hoping this is the end of it.

BTW, dead vermin tally:
Rats: 1 down. Mice: 7 down.
The traps set with bacon are working great!

Monita/o at 17 weeks

One last photo blast for this weekend. I am now at about 23 weeks pregnant. Back in January, at the amnio, they took pictures for me during the ultrasound of the fetus. It is the last pic of the kid I'll see, I suspect, before it is in the flesh on the outside. I go to a married couple of hippie OBs, just the way I like it. They don't mess around with things that don't need fixing (quite the change, after hyper-interventionist IVF!) Homestead Mama went to them as well, and they didn't do an internal exam on her until almost 30 hours after her water broke. Boggles people's minds - apparently there is a lot of invasive & (arguably) unnecessary dilation checking that goes on these days.

So behold, a couple of bad photos of the u/s pics of Monita/o. (I should just get a scanner!) Looks like s/he'll have my wide feet.

Crafting

I have been making things for my phantom kids for a few years now. It is a lot of fun to be able to finally use them on a non-phantom baby.

Pequita has just started loving the linen/cotton green reversible mei tei sling wrap I made this past summer from a great free online pattern. I'll make some alterations to better suit us on the next one, but I love the features on this. Since she doesn't want to be put down, we are lucky she's willing to be toted around strapped to us. The flap behind her head lifts up to support her when she falls asleep and becomes floppy. In this carrier, I can wear her comfortably off to the side, leaving room for my belly.

She has liked the red velour sling I whipped up as well, pictured below at 2 months. At her ripe old age of 4.5 months, now Pequita refuses to lie or sit in the "kangaroo" position, cross-legged. She stands.

This is a sweater I knit while on vacation in August of '06. It is a Debbie Bliss pattern, and is a nice thick cotton.

One other I have a picture of is the orange flecked sweater below. I'll add yarn type and pattern details soon for those of you who might be interested, but that will take too much coordination for this late on a Sunday.

Snowshine

A few weeks ago we had our first good snowfall, and it has been under 20 degrees ever since, so it is still pretty and white here. We finally got Pequita all dressed up in her snow gear and went out with the dogs to play. It was downright balmy, having risen to 25 degrees and sunny. We propped her up against the willow stump in the backyard for the pic below. She didn't like the brightness of sun on snow, but didn't seem to mind the cold and loves to watch the dogs frolic. Ok, next time we'll rig some mittens up for her hands, since we certainly couldn't keep them inside her outfit.

In addition to her first outing w/ snow, she also has her first really stuffy nose. We don't know if it is a cold or a symptom of teething, but she sounds like a bulldog when she is breathing and keeps needing a lot of nose wiping. Which she hates, and screams in protest about. And needed a lot of while outside in the cold. (I don't know if you can properly see all this in the pic below, but she's got actual bubbles of snot.) Needless to say, we only spent about 20 minutes out today. Summer babies have it good, I think.

Maternity clothes are dangerous

Today, I am wearing the one maternity sweater I have. It showcases the belly by sporting an empire waistline & little tie that cinches in the waist where every pregnant woman's waist is - RIGHT under my cleavage. My non-maternity clothes that I still wear just make me look like I have a beer belly, or like I'm growing one hell of a fibroid. So I am all a-belly today, and am still a little self-conscious about it, since some of the higher-up folks I work with are weird about it. They don't mentions it, or ask if I am pregnant or congratulate me. The staff, however, holler out from down the hall, "Boy, you sure look like you are knocked up!" I need the laughs, so welcome that attitude.

Back in June of 2006, I had a D&C to finalize the miscarriage that resulted from the previous IVF cycle. (It was pretty awful - the miscarriage, not so much the D&C. I can think of few things worse than bleeding on and off for weeks/months while my body naturally makes its way through the hormone soup that is the end of a pregnancy. Quick and tidy, that's what I wanted) I had the procedure done at my RE's (reproductive endocrinologist's) office, since I love it there and hate hospitals. There is an unwritten waiting-room etiquette that you learn pretty quickly after you become a patient at Dr. Can-do's office - ultrasound and bloodwork patients sit on the left side of the waiting room in the nice Pottery Barn couches in front of the gas fireplace. Surgery patients - those in for retrievals, transfers, HSGs, D&Cs - all sit on the right in straight backed Stickley chairs next to the coffee machine, surrounded by the good magazines, since you will be there for longer. If it is an optimistic appointment, like an embryo retrieval, your partner is in the procedure room with you. If it is a sad appointment, they wait out in the waiting room. So Homestead Mama had been fetched from the waiting room to join me after my procedure. (She's lucky that I am not like her when she's loopy on anesthesia, as she always tells me how OLD I look and how I look just like my mother. Uh huh, love that.) Homestead Mama is helping the nurse lead me in my drugged stupor out to the car. I look up and spot one of the higher-ups from my office, a sweet and quiet-spoken young man, sitting alone in a straight-backed chair. Uh huh, sad visit. I had enough forethought to veer off course and make them lead me out the other door & through the other side of the waiting room, He might have seen me, but we didn't have to pass within 2 feet of each other and acknowledge each other, and could therefore maintain some semblance of ignorance. It seemed kinder, for both of us.

Anyway, it is now 8 months later, no announcement from him about his wife's looming birth, and here I am at 22 weeks along striding (kind of) around in my sleek (kind of) maternity sweater and I see him approaching me in the hall. A look of painful consternation clouded his face as he watched my belly approach, and then he looked up to eye level and smiled a wan smile at me. He DID see me that day in June, and there is no way he thinks this is just the fatter version of me. I hate that. I hate the possibility of making another person who is struggling to get/stay pregnant feel lousy. Homestead Mama and I go out of our way to avoid those kinds of situations, because for a long while there WE were the unlucky ones. It is why I worry about sending out unsolicited photos of Pequita in a mass email. It is why I am wary of telling other folks I know who are still trying to have a live baby about this blog without a clear warning that it is mostly a big baby-fest these days. It hurts to be on the other side, and that hurt informs how I approach things, even now. I just hope he takes heart that he and his wife will end up on the baby side of the fence.

Now we're getting somewhere

A new initiative filed in Washington would require that heterosexual couples have kids within 3 years or their marriage is anulled.  This cracked me up.  http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_020707_politics_wash_children.5dbb5058.html

 

 "For many years, social conservatives have claimed that marriage exists solely for the purpose of procreation ... The time has come for these conservatives to be dosed with their own medicine," said WA-DOMA organizer Gregory Gadow in a printed statement. "If same-sex couples should be barred from marriage because they can not have children together, it follows that all couples who cannot or will not have children together should equally be barred from marriage."

 

I only hope this gets folks talking about this. 

21" waist to 21 week waist

I thought a belly picture would be a good idea right about now. Here's where I started:

(Like my starfish? It came with the suit.)

And here is where I was last week at 21 weeks along:

I know, I know. It isn't really a fair comparison, since I'm not in a bikini in both pics, but its the best I can do. In the 4 days since the belly pic was taken, I seemed to have popped out quite significantly. I'll take another at the 6-month mark. When Homestead Mama and I hug, it now feels like we're playing an ice-breaking party game and trying to pass a football to someone else without using our hands. It would be annoying if it weren't so WELCOME.

(In actuality, it took quite a while for the pregnancy belly to overtake the normal chubby belly and actually SHOW on film. Nothing much has changed on my body, but the waist I have always counted on as one of my good qualities is gone. And I don't miss it one bit.)

Homestead living

Hottie Friend, a.k.a. Pequita's fairy godmother, offered to pass up birthday parties, bar gatherings, and other good offers to babysit for us last night. Homestead Mama and I haven't had a date night in several months, so we jumped at the chance. And with Hottie Friend so in love with Pequita, it almost feels like we are doing a public service by sharing her. So we giggled about it all week, and had a good time selecting the cuisine and movie that we were going to enjoy. We ended up having to drive Pequita to and from Hottie Friend's in a snowstorm, which I love because we haven't had much snow at all this year. We had a great time. The Mexican restaurant gave us someone else's takeout order with twice as much food as we had ordered (or paid for). Since it WAS during a snowstorm, we didn't take it back. We missed the kid, but it was great not having to keep an ear open at all times for her - we could really relax. It has been a long time since we have snuggled on the couch with each other - mostly baby snuggling these days. We are ever more grateful to Hottie Friend. There are not many folks we would leave Pequita with, and none enjoy it more than she does.

Today we had really good intentions to get many errands done. Instead, we entertained a friend & her son, which reinforced thoroughly that we HAVE NOT toddlerproofed our home. We caught up on our taped TV while Pequita napped, and we romped in the yard in the snow with the dogs, one of our favorite things to do.

I hope the next paragraph doesn't make all guests decline to visit us in the winter. Really, our house may be cluttered and harbor a little extra pet fur, but we don't live in squalor. We just take care of homestead business as necessary. Oh, the humanity!

We live in a farmhouse built in 1851. We are surrounded by acres of fields, meadows and woods, in which live deer, rabbits, groundhogs, moles, etc. We regularly hear packs of coyote yipping at night. The rodents that support this diverse wildlife community join us during the coldest parts of the winter. For the most part, they stay in the unfinished basement or on an unheated side porch. Well, two days ago Homestead Mama let out a screech as she opened the antique pantry cupboard in which we store our drygoods. A mouse had breached the confines of the interior of the house. Time for me to set my trap lines, as where there is one mouse, there are more. We knew that the side porch had been hosting some larger visitors since it got cold a few weeks ago. By larger visitors, I mean rats - but wait! don't freak out yet. While unwelcome, they are glossy-coated healthy animals who happen to have a winter home on our porch, where we feed the cats and keep the litter pans. So really, our rats are well fed on Science Diet cat food. We haven't ever seen them (or any evidence of them) in the house, or I'd be sleeping elsewhere. I set out two snap traps in the pantry last night baited with peanut butter. I awoke to Homestead Mama calling up the stairs, "The carnage has begun." Both traps had field mice in them. Drunk with my success, I reset the pantry traps immediately and caught another mouse around 6:30pm. Whoopee! I put out a couple more pantry traps, and feeling lucky, set 3 huge rat traps baited with dog treats on the side porch. I'll let you know how it goes - maybe even post some pictures.

2007 tally: Rodents: 0. Me: 3.

Fools Rush In (or, Why Our Kids Will Be Born So Close In Age)

A friend online asked the following question:
Do you think it will be ok to have two very small ones? Do you worry at all about your newborn getting enough attention, etc, given there will be a very small big sister in the picture?

To preface, this answer is theoretical since the second kid is still in utero. I have, however, in my usual thorough (obsessive) style, read a great deal, talked to many friends w/ 2 kids, some with twins, to paint the most accurate picture of what we are likely going to experience. It would be interesting to hear from others with kids close in age about their experiences. (If it is really awful, don't comment, ok?)

Having 2 small kids close in age will be challenging. You skip or minimize some conflicts (initial jealousy of elder kid, kids not playing well together) and exacerbate other problems (how do you feed/ soothe/ diaper/ etc. TWO at ONE TIME?) For me, the key issues boiled down to one main and 6 sub issues.

My main concern: it took us about 4 years and around $20k out of pocket to get a live baby with Homestead Mama delivering. I am a little older now than she was when she started – if we wait until Pequita is 18 months or so before I start trying, and I have trouble… I was unwilling to let my eggs get older. I wanted lots of time to keep trying, if time is what it took.

Secondary issues:
1. How do we feel about having all our family at once? Will there be enough time for each kid separately?
2. Do we physically have room/ resources for 2 at once?
3. Can one of us be a SAHM / can we afford daycare for 2 at once?
4. How strong is the relationship between partners – can we manage high stress situations, emergencies on little to no sleep?
5. Do we have a local support system in place for the help we WILL need?
6. Is there a cute and well-designed stroller for 2 very young kids so we are excited to leave the house en famille?

Below will surely be TMI, but I have a few minutes, so here goes. For us, the answers were as follows:

1. We have always planned on each having one kid, for a total of two. (Here’s where you laugh at the concept of planning anything to do with fertility.) Since I want the option of staying home with them when they are young, clumping them together means I am out of the work force for less time. It means that home life will be crazy for a while. The house will be messy until the kids are old enough to be put to work. The pets might get a bit less attention (see post below). Saving for college would take on a different structure.
BUT.
The kids would be really close developmentally, socially and emotionally (hopefully). They’d share a bedroom until they hit pre-puberty and hated each other (or a little younger, maybe, if they aren’t the same sex). We’d get through stages a bit faster. We already have a pack mentality in our house (with 3 dogs, 2 cats, 4 parrots) and fly by the seat of our pants a lot. We are comfortable with minimal scheduling & winging it a lot. Homestead Mama and I have very different strengths, and feel like we’ll balance out well for the kids. We’ll need to make sure that each kid gets regular time alone w/ each mom, and with both moms together, but have the support system to manage that.

2. We’re mostly all set w/ space & resources. We never turn down an offer of hand-me-down clothing or equipment. Anything we can’t use (or refuse to dress our kid in - there’s some UGLY stuff out there) we gave away to others who might use it or we trade it in for store credit at the local kids used clothing/supplies store.

3. I have always wanted to be a SAHM / WAHM while my kids were young. We bought a house that we could afford on one paycheck with this in mind. Homestead Mama makes more than I do, and wants to keep working = perfect. We could also afford, in our small town, to put them both in daycare if we need to. Both of our jobs allow for the other partner to be added to a family health insurance plan, no small feat in this country.

4. In our short 7 years together, Homestead Mama and I have gutted & renovated a house together, bought a rental house & found tenants, and made it through 3+ years of (in)fertility appointments, treatments and surgeries during which our lives, vacation schedules, and finances were hijacked. We use therapy as a tool when we need it, and generally just get along well & compliment each other’s personalities. We haven’t crashed yet, and one of us always manages to offer fresh hands for the baby (dog, cordless drill) when the other is ready to explode.

5. We are very lucky & live in a very gay-friendly town. While we have no family in town, we have a great couple across the street who are itching to get their hands on the kid anytime we are willing to hand her over. (They gave us the felted strawberry hat seen in earlier posts.) We have a friend* with a flexible student schedule and no kids of her own who comes over 2 – 3 times per week to love on Pequita while we clean, sleep, or have a date. We have a large enough group of friends w/ young kids who are available for playgroups, babysitting, pediatrician advice, 3am calls about odd rashes, etc. Also, my parents are retired, and want to come for a week-long visit every 6 weeks but are also able to come for emergencies (like if (when) my back goes out again and we have 2 young babies). All this has taken work to create/maintain, but is worth it on so many levels.

6. Why yes, there is! Phil & Ted’s E3 with doubles seat. And it comes in orange! And so here we are. Pequita is 4 months old and I'm 21w1d, due June 14th. We've made our bed and are now just trying to find time to have a nap in it.

*This friend pointed out that she is much more than I described. She will heretofore be referred to as "Hottie Friend, a.k.a. Pequita's Fairy Godmother".

Does the SPCA do interventions?

I just got the email below. We are certainly undeserving of our beloved pets, let alone babies. Moody is 14 this year, has no warm fur coat, and hates the cold. It was 15 degrees out last night. Oy. I'm going to hell.

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Email from: Lovely Neighbor

Hi Homestead Mom,

Do you know where your children are?

This morning, just before 5am, our dog started barking and growling at the door. I opened the door to let her out and beheld a small jumping, very happy dog. It was Moody. He came running in, delighted, all wiggly and running around and grabbed a dog toy pumpkin. He checked out the bowl I fed him in when he stayed with us. I gave him a couple treats, and then brought him over to your house & slipped him in. We managed to be very quiet, as I heard no barking from upstairs!

Whew!

If he had been out all night, he may have slept on our dog's bed which still has a blanket on it. Or maybe he saw our lights come on this morning and ran over? He was too cute when he ran in and grabbed Kira's toy and was running around.

Signed,

Lovely Neighbor

-----------

He's doing ok now, but could have really struggled. We'll have to change some habits before the new baby arrives.

Cries At Desk

Privately, I used to think of myself as "Homestead Mom (Cries In Car)", since I did it so much during the 3ish years of infertility that Homestead Mama suffered, and I suffered through alongside her. She is not an emoter. I am not a 'keep it to myself/ inside' kind of girl. I was trying to be big about it, and not draw her attention to our/my misery as we tromped through the unfriendly, soul-wrenching terrain of one negative pregnancy test after another, one miscarriage after another. I did a lot of crying alone in my car, to and from work, to the store. I have been known to, on occasion, create an errand to to so I can get a little crying in.

Now, I am sitting at my desk tearing up, fighting the lump in my throat lest I get an actual business call. In my belly, deep down somewhere, I can feel fluttering and kicking and know that the fetus is alive. The crying is not just joyful, it is grateful. I can't do it without a mental nod to the past, but it is all about the future. Monito* (little Monkey), the winner of the nickname poll, seems to be here to stay.

Now we are (both) going to go fetch an ice cream sandwich to celebrate. Like we don't do this every day about this time. :)

Homestead Mom

*We called Pequita the female version of the nickname, with an A on the end, without knowing her sex ahead of time. To be fair, we are using Monito - with a masculine O on the end - still with no knowledge of the sex of the fetus. I swear!

The lion sleeps tonight

We put Pequita through the paces yesterday, with more activity and socializing than ever before. Brunch with a friend and her 3.5 year old daughter. Coffee right after with another friend who hadn't met Pequita yet. We ran into our friends from birthing class at the coffee shop. We shared a room with them after delivery - we love them, and seeing each others kids is always a treat. Then home for a nap, and back out to dinner at the house of a friend from work. She has great kids, a great husband, and sweet cats. Through all of this, Pequita was charming and well-behaved. She fell asleep in the car on the way home at 8:45 to the new cd I bought for her, Ladysmith Black Mombazo singing (among other songs) The Lion Sleeps Tonight. I had hoped that our life wouldn't stop after the baby was born, and it seems that we are managing nicely to keep up w/ most things.


She is sleeping like a champ. She falls asleep around 8pm each night, and stays with us downstairs sleeping soundly on us or near us while we clean, eat, catch up on TV. She stays soundly asleep when we carry her upstairs at 10 or 11pm, through a diaper changing & re-swaddling, and is mostly asleep until 7 or 8 am. This is punctuated with a couple of short sleepy interludes in which Homestead Mama nurses her without the baby ever really waking up. We are usually only dozing after about 4 am, as the babe begins grunting, flailing her small arms, and chirping until we reinsert the pacifier. This behavior will get her moved to a co sleeping crib very shortly - I found one on Craig's list locally. Also, I need a bit more space as my bones ache and pop in and out of joint all night, and I need more pillows to nest on. I only have enough room to lay on my back with my arms tucked in with Pequita's bed still between us on the bed, so off to the side she goes.

I am still craving broccoli & grapefruit. I served Homestead Mama a lovely big healthy plate of broccoli and rice the other day. Damn doctors said there was no scientific evidence that what a breastfeeding woman eats affects her baby. Clearly, they aren't testing properly because we told a few other women about this and they were shocked we fed her broccoli at all. Pequita had 2 of the worst days of her short existence, crying, emitting such loud gas that we were embarrassed on her behalf, writhing with discomfort. There will not be a replay of this event - I shall eat my broccoli out of the house from now on.

Pequita is a wonder. A dear. We are mooning over her increasingly each day. I didn't expect this. I love this.

Let the wild rumpus begin

I'm definitely having Braxton Hicks contractions. My ute will go from a muscle-y firm lump inside my ab cavity to a hard protruding bump which makes me HAVE TO PEE IMMEDIATELY. It's been happening at least a couple times a day. Very odd, but not painful. Dr. Google says they can be brought on by dehydration, so yay, another reason to drink more water (=more trips to the bathroom). Only one source said that drinking wine would relax them, which is too bad, since I require corroboration.

One great thing is that I haven't gained any weight yet. Frequently, women have put on 10 - 20 lbs by now, so I am happily using up my stored, um, nourishment to grow this fetus. I'm eating well, but my appetite is limited and I can't eat regular portion sizes without beaching myself on the couch for hours after (note the whale reference.)

I have also felt a distinct roundhouse kick by what ought to be a ~4" leg. No sissy fluttering like I've been feeling, but a distinct swish.

I remain mostly amazed at what my body is doing. The fat pad on my belly, which has confounded my purchasing pants my whole life, is finally meaningful, as the fetus is growing right under it. My partner keeps remarking on how round and smooth my shape is, very ripe and, well, pregnant. These BH contractions are the first thing that my body has done on its own to accommodate this fetus, and it feels impressive. While I started out focused on the whole earth-mother, pregnant, beautiful birth experience mentality, I lost track of that in the years of IF that Homestead Mama endured and then my own struggles & miscarriage. Unfortunately, most of the focus became centered first on the IVF and then on a live baby. Homestead Mama didn't talk much about what her body was experiencing in between those 2 events, as she prefers to tune out all things unnecessary. After a lifetime of anticipation of this process, then a bit of a loss of focus on the good parts, I am warming up to the concept of being pregnant.

What a wild ride I have embarked on.

Homestead Mom, 20w6d

Apologies

I had the best of intentions with this blog. If only the baby would learn to love the flashing lights of the computer. Perhaps if I painted the laptop in vibrant black and white graphic stripes she'd tolerate being held in front of it for more than 4 seconds before the wailing begins. Or installed a mobile above it. Hmm. I did get her to focus for a few moments while playing ABBA on youtube, but that was it. Anyway, not having any free time is a big factor in (not) posting.

I've just boned up on how to post from my email account, so I can maybe post from work without getting Dooced. Stay tuned...

Homestead Mom