Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Third Time is the Charm

I never know how to approach blogging about our attempts at advanced procreation. It is a sensitive matter, and this blog is, sadly, not terribly private. I very much want to blog about the things going on in my life - this blog is my record, my diary, my manner of keeping in touch with friends all over the world, and since we had Pequita, one of the only references that help me remember a huge amount of what goes on in my life. Mommy-brain, indeed. But with the attempt at a third kid? Mostly I don't want to talk about this issue in real life unless I bring it up.
The few people IRL [in real life vs. online, Mom] I've told about our plans to try for a third have almost to the one been aghast, surprised, they've burst into laughter, told me I was crazy, told me to definitely not go through with it. I hear a lot of, "Oh my god, you can have mine! He's acting up so much lately!" Hardy har har. It all feels negative. This means that sadly, most of my IRL friends won't hear any news about this until after I successfully pass an amnio. This means I'll be a bit lonely in the process, which means my desire to blog is all the stronger. I guess I'm a little thin skinned about this. Mostly, I want to point out to everyone with an asshat response that I'm not the bloody first person to try for/ have a third kid. I have wanted this for decades; I know it will be hard/ nuts/ crazy-making. I nonetheless reserve the right to mourn a bit if I fail at this attempt and also to whine a bit about how awful some of it is should we be so lucky to succeed.
I have been trying to talk myself out of wanting a third kid since I delivered Monito; there are a lot of reasons not to, but just as many good reasons to go ahead and give it a go. I really feel that I was born for this. I am good at it. We already have an embarrassment of riches - two of the most beautiful, clever, athletic children ever. If we stop with that, my life will be rich. If we are lucky enough to have a third? My lifetime dreams will be coming true.
I am doing an unmedicated FET cycle, and I will be transferring two 5-day thawed blasts on Saturday morning with a 1O% chance of successfull pregnancy. We'll have to bring the kids to the appointment since we can't get a trusted person to sit with them at the ass-crack of dawn. I've had no meds until now, and since ovulation I'm doing the low-dose aspirin, PIO [progesterone in oil] injection routine until transfer; after that we'll keep an eye on my levels and deal with any issues as they come.
Tonight Homestead Mama went to bed early with a bad stomach ache, which hopefully won't manifest into Monito's bug. I was unable to convince her to give me my PIO shot before she collapsed, so I had to [gulp] give it to myself. Large bore needle. Viscous oily med. Thank goddess for my ample behind - the needle is most of the length of my thumb. Ouch.


erica said...

I feel partly responsible for this, and for that I want to apologize. I hope I haven't had any completely asshat responses to you wanting to do this again. Of all the people I know who are parents, you are one of the most patient, dynamic, creative, brilliant ones out there. And no one deserves three healthy loved children more than you two. You have gone through so much, and I am nothing but supportive of you and your adventures in this, as hard as they are.

With SO much admiration and awe,

Becca said...

You are a wonderful mother and I could see why you would want more! I wish you nothing but the best of luck.

aws said...

I would like to count myself as an absentee IRL friend when I say that I don't think you're nuts at all. Lots of people have 3 kids and it doesn't matter how you ultimately get them, so long as you want them and they are loved. Yes, there very well may be a tough road ahead but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

And as a side note, I would love to blog on this similar topic but don't mostly because I don't have the guts that you do!

MSL said...

I wish you well in your journey. As you mentioned above, nothing is guaranteed. Our embryo transfer did not succeed so Henry (who is just two weeks older than Monito) is going to be a only child. I may have to take a break from reading your blog until I am able to read about sibling interaction without tears in my eyes.

- Michele

PS: If you need some privacy, come back to the website where we met. Lots of support there.