Saturday, May 23, 2009
Glass 15% Full or 85% Empty?
I showed up at 8:30 am with full bladder as required and had to shuffle down the hall in my robe and disposable slippers twice to decant a bit before the doc was ready for me at 10am. I was lying there in a cocoon of warm blankets surrounded by muzak and dimmed lights relaxing as much as one can while wondering how many women in this situation actually wet themselves. By the time the procedure was done I could barely keep from vaulting off the table and sprinting to the bathroom. The doc leaned in close and clasped my hand warmly, smiled and said, "everything looks great. Stay laying here for 20 minutes and visualize peace and success" to which I smiled wanly. I choose to believe that all the jiggling I did trying to keep it together until I could relieve myself only increased my chances of success. I was only able to visualize torrential floods and oceans crashing.
Each time you go in for embryo transfer at this clinic you are given a color printout of the embryos with which they are working that day. Nice propaganda, and it does ramp up the excitement. I appreciate all the effort this office makes to be positive and encouraging. This is far preferable to cold and clinical. BUT. This isn't a magical process its a scientific one; I avoided the mental trap of magical thinking by reading blogs and playing Tetris on my phone during my wait instead of meditating on a process over which I have no control. I'm a rebel, I know.