Monito is bereft without nursing. He is so angry at me for saying no - he wants comfort and hugs but when that is all I give him he hits and scratches me. Pequita is better off, able to verbalize that she can wait for Mama to come home but that she's sad. I'm crying through the worst of their tantrums as *I* am so sad about it all.
Things I am JOYOUS about and GRATEFUL for:
- Monito is finally sleeping through his regular waking around 10:30ish - he now wanders into my bedroom around 4 am dragging his crocodile, taps me on the shoulder and calls out "Mommy! Its you!". (He confuses his pronouns; he means 'its me')
- Pequita is feeling her oats. She is defying me at every turn, saying NO just to be contrary, and individuating much of the time. While this stresses my last nerve and challenges my parenting skills, it is amazing to watch and I can see all the nurturing we've done paying off in a confident girl.
- we are going to NYC this weekend and staying in a really nice hotel and seeing friends and family. It should be lovely.
- I have effortlessly and plentifully nursed every single day, several times a day, for over two years. All but the first couple weeks of that time I've been tandem nursing two babies. Even if I never nurse again, I've had an unbelievable run. So much of my dream of parenting revolved around nursing, and I was able to experience al that. I will always be grateful for the boobs of wonder.
- I've still got $45k of infertility insurance coverage and can keep trying to have another kid if we want to. What a gift.