I went for my last vacation blood draw this morning at the hospital about 20 minutes away. Read this with the full twang of the North Carolina mountains.
Phlebotomist: Well, I see ya'll are here for a pregnancy test. How exciting!
Phleb: Ya'll were in here earlier this week, too. Oh! Are you checking for twins? Oh my god, that would be so great!
Me: Um, its probably an ectopic pregnancy. We're not checking for viability anymore.
Phleb: (Pause while she tries to decipher the difficult vocabulary words I've tossed at her) Oh, that's so wonderful! I just had my boy this past May. Wow, you don't get any sleep with a baby! You'll find out soon enough! Do you have a due date yet?
Me: (Audible sigh). No. I'm sure my regular doc will go over that with me when I get home.
Phleb: Well, since you are carrying a tiny baby this stick should be easy as pie, what with all that extra blood ya'll will have in your veins now.
Me: (Debates whether or not to inform her that all the hearty fluid in my veins was red wine; I let her off the hook and kept mum.)
Phleb: Well, ya'll have a nice day - wait, I mean have a super pregnancy! You're gonna be glowing soon enough! Bye, now!
We leave for NY tomorrow morning.
There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.