The Heart

Pequita is going through a shift right now. She is now in a retreat position and freaked out by all the new things she has already mastered. She is suddenly asking to be dressed instead of shoving us away when we try to help. She is shy again around non-family members. After a prolonged session of unexplained wailing and flailing last night, I got her to settle down by arranging for her to spend some time piggybacking in the Ergo carrier on H-Mama's back because she needed the closeness. H-Mama was home from work sick Monday and the first thing that Peuqita did was ask for more Ergo time with her. Clearly, my daughter is in a down cycle.

She very much wants to be independent and not have to listen to us or do what we say. She has taken to freezing her body,expression, and actions - except for a barely perceptible arched eyebrow - when she is grabbed by the desire to defy us. As always (at least once I've figured out what's going on) I've been introducing the language she will need to get herself out of these predicaments, which is conveniently the verbal flag *I* need to stop treating her like the kid she was last week. All week we've been talking about independence, having the space she needs to make her own choices in her own time, and the best way to get what she wants. (Screaming unintelligibly? Not so productive. Reasoning with Mommy? Two thumnbs up!) We are definitely on the path; a few minutes into the latest screaming sobfest today I discerned that the sound that I *thought* was her soul dying was her repeating, "My need to be indepeeeeeeendeeeeeent." I'm taking that as progress.

This morning, Pequita had several meltdowns. The last one evolved as she staggered up the stairs on our way to naps, all the way through getting her book selected and her sleep diaper put on, and into bed. The actual nap happened as always, with me sandwiched between her and Monito. Three books, some discussion about what was going to happen after naps, and they are out like lights.

Pequita awoke with a start ninety minutes later to find me reading, and whispered, "Mommy. I am happier now. My heart is not angry now and my body is not angry. I love you SO MUCH my heart is full of love."

Wonderful, right? Except maybe one day we can skip the screaming part! She does hear through her fugue states, though, as proven after her brief cry when she didn't get to select the music for the player in the nursery tonight. I took her aside so H-Mama could keep getting Monito tucked in and gave her a drink of water. Once she had regained her composure she repeated back to me what I croon to her when I hold her through these upsetting episodes, "Mommy, it is really HARD being three.".

Amen, sister.