Is It April ALREADY?

This post is so clearly brought to you by the sandbox I built and installed last summer.  It is about 30 feet from the new French doors, and has captivated the kids this year.  I may find time to make it prettier shortly, but who really cares?  Now that the weather is warm again, the yard is their amusement park and they can spend hours out there playing on the swing set, hammock, sandbox, deck, and gravel pit.  They paint on the easel in the grass, kick the balls that decorate the yard, and seem to be teaching themselves how to play leap frog with the most hysterical outcome.  Lots of pouncing, squashing, and reconnoitering before the next physical fiasco. 

I'm not sure I'm doing this whole parenting thing right, but the kids? They take up all my time.  Perhaps if I ignored them more, or if they liked to play by themselves more I'd get more done, but most of the time I am attending to them all day and then Homestead Mama comes home after an 11-hour work day about 10 minutes before their bedtime and reads to them, we put them through the 20 minute bed time ritual and then go downstairs, collapse on the couch together, talk about the day or how we really should submit our taxes soon and then watch a DVR show and go to sleep.  It isn't glamorous, but it does work for us.

Here's what I have been doing of late:

:: Tending to a friend's chicks and planning our own coop and flock.  We are set to order a bunch of Sussex, Black Australorps, Barred Plymouth Rock, and Silver Wyandottes.  With a couple Ameracaunas for H-Mama, as she wants the colored eggs. All hens, save for one rooster for Monito.  He wants to name it Big Shot after his favorite character in our current favorite book.

:: Easter! And the requisite lengths of rope in the baskets. What? You didn't get your kids rope for Easter?  Silly readers.  It is the new tape.  It ties in (hardy har har) with the pirate theme we are sporting in this house.  A lovely relaxing hour can be had by a mom sitting and being tied up.

:: Training the boy to not say "You IDIOTS!" to his sister when he gets frustrated.  Thanks a lot, Cruella DeVille.  He only uses it in the plural, because Cruella hurls the insult at the Badden Brothers.  The boy hasn't figured out that his sister is a singular, and this makes is just funny enough that I can't take him seriously.  I take him more seriously when he says "You ASSHOLES!" at his blocks or Playmobil vehicles.  He learned that from, um, Homestead Mama!  Yes!  That's it!  Bad, Homestead Mama.

:: Enjoying the new game my kids have developed, Shoe Fighting.  It happens in the car since we have a micro-minivan instead of the cavernous Odyssey.  When they get a little nutty they have begun pummeling one another.  It is like thumb-wrestling, but with feet, and kicking.  So much fun!  I was parked next to an Odyssey at the grocery store the other day and once I had strapped my kids in I leaned into the wide open side door while the mom-owner was returning her cart to the kiosk. Oh my goodness, we could have comfortably slept our whole family in there.  I stood half in, half out of the vehicle, mouth agape, as I mentally ticked off all the things I could fit in there.  A whole additional child + car seat!  All our vacation packing!  A stroller AND some bikes!  I was ready to sign on to a 13 mpg car right then and there.  Sigh.  Mommy porn, for sure.  I should note that except for not being a cavernous minivan, our Mazda 5 is awesome and I have NO regrets.  If we do have a third kid, though, watch out! 

::Pequita has reached a phase where she mimics a lot. Me, H-Mama, her brother.  This means that much of the time she is either swearing (us) or reduced to almost-three-year-old behavior (her brother).  Good times!  Tantrums, misbehavior, whining, she does it all with a 7-second delay after her brother.  Because is isn't enough to live through the first time!  She is potty trained during the day, and we still diaper her during nap times and night just to catch any accidents.  Today, she opted to stay in her diaper after naps until she pooped in her diaper, something we are working with her brother on.  She stalked in to the room I was in and demanded, "You will change my diaper NOW."  I snickered quietly, and tried to make it a learning experience.  Mistake.  She got increasingly upset and really just wanted the stinky dipe off right away.  I hope the experiment is over, and she won't do it again.  Her stress levels are such that when it happens, it is like a 4-alarm fire. She cannot understand her brother who still resists the change and would prefer to wear his poop around with him for comfort for many long minutes (hours) after the fact.

:: Watching the wildlife return to our yard.  Birds are flocking to the feeders and nesting bags we put out (mesh bags full of yarn & fabric scraps for the birds to use as nesting material.)  Recently a ring-necked pheasant traipsed around our yard for a while, much to our amazement and joy.  The next day, we encountered his body on the road near the house.  Someone had hit him but good with their car.  I stopped the car and let the kids see him.  Pequita remarked that her "heart was very sad".  Mine too, little girl.

::

:: Cooking up a storm.  I'm using up the fruit and meat in our freezer as fast as I can.  Sunday, rhubarb chutney with fresh ham.  Behold the glory of chutney spices!

Recently, several no-knead bread options, Mongolian beef, gingerbread and pies galore.  We have a half side of grass fed beef in the freezer, and are about to pick up a half lamb, and a whole young pig, all non-certified organic and really yummy.  We need to clear out as much as we can before the influx occurs.  On the list of things to tackle soon: Greek yogurt, hot dog buns from scratch, cole slaw (to use up the last of our stored cabbage), and sausage and pate with all our meat.

::Yard work!  Clearing fall brush away, landscaping when I can fit it in, raking, seeding, digging.  We'll have to start mowing this week, which takes about 2 hours at a time since we have 1.5 acres of tended yard.  Plus an extra hour if we mow the path through the meadow. We need a goat, but won't get one until AFTER we have a small barn for it.  Can't wait for the goat's milk, goat cheese, and free brush removal.

:: Double-digging my garden patch.  Last year, my six 4' x 4' raised beds were more to keep the kids and dogs off my planting area.  This year, I'll move them to the edge of the garden and they will become our dedicated strawberry and asparagus beds and I'll leave our regular garden plots on the bare ground.  This patch took about an hour to dig; three more to go this year.  I'll expand more next year; this year, three 4' x 12' beds will have to suffice.

:: Sitting watching the sky at sunset, sunrise, and any time in between.

:: Many cookouts and campfires.  Homestead Mama likes to be active, so will putter in the yard and then burn her gleanings. The kids love to cook their dinner over the campfire.  Up next: foil meals.  Wrapping a potato, some meat and veggies up in a piece of tin foil and setting it in the coals to cook.  

:: Seed starting for the aforementioned garden.  I still have to plan out my layout, companion plantings, and buy starters for whatever doesn't sprout.  This year, we saved our Easter egg shells and started sunflowers and pumpkins in the shells.  

:: Many walks on the property.  The children have A LOT OF ENERGY and need to let off steam in a large area where the creation of another game along the lines of "Shoe Fighting" can be avoided.  We go out into the field and pick weeds, look for birds nesting, track deer, play with our ever-present dogs, and throw things.  It is really fun, always different, and makes me love our investment in 10 acres.

:: Playground and friend play dates.  At least 4 times a week.  The kids are so different from last year.  Pequita was already a master at climbing and physical activities.  This year, she can (be still my heart) make it up to the tiny, bendy branches in the climbing trees before I even know she's gone.  Monito is finally, for the first time, in charge of his body in a way that clearly brings him great satisfaction.  He runs, jumps, climbs, and vaults with reckless abandon and much success, something that has eluded him until now.  He's seen his sister's mastery for a long time and now it is his turn, which is an obvious thrill.  Both kids interact in a whole new way with other little kids.  Pequita has made new friends on the playground, and will hold hands and prance off with sweet little girls to find privacy and giggle and play.  Monito seems to prefer boys he already knows, but the fact that he wants to interact with anyone other than Mommy is huge.  He loves his friends Nate and Desmond because they will rough house with him, and chase, run, sword fight and frolic with him.  He woke from his nap today saying that he dreamed of having a tea party with green balloons and cookies and all his buddies were in attendance and then they played pirates until dark, when they lit a bonfire and cooked things all by themselves.  This is such a huge developmental leap for him - it is both thrilling and heart breaking for me.  My babies are really growing up.  Yay!  (Sob.)

:: Organizing.  Purging.  Yippee!  Homestead Mama made me promise not to ever throw any of her stuff away without asking her first.  Sadly (for her), she works an hour away and I am home with the clutter of a lifetime of collecting.  I have been taking bag after bag of lovely goods to the thrift store and getting my tax deductible receipt for our donation.  In the long run, she'll be happy.  In the short run, she is thrilled at how the house is looking.  Somewhere in between she'll figure out what is happening, but I'm hoping for the best.  I made a play kitchen for the kids using some cube shelves from the local unfinished furniture store and a couple things from Lowes.  They love it, and by winter they'll probably want to be inside long enough to use it a lot.  I still have to cut a door for the 'fridge', but I have a big day of sawing planned for the near future.

:: Pirates!  Did I mention the pirates?  Pequita loves her face paints still, and chooses black and pink.  This equals 'Ballerina Pirate' for her.  Monito chooses more traditional colors, but they are still actively dressing up and whacking. 

:: Pequita is undertaking the effort of reading.  I have been resisting the urge to push them, drill letters, numbers, words.  I have been tortured in a small way by the kids who can write their names already, or write many words by the time they are 3. My mother was an amazing, patient, skilled teacher of Kindergarten through 3rd grade for over 30 years and suggested that I wait, not push them, and let them lead.  All along I've been teaching in the abstract; I read books constantly while tracing words with my finger, spell and sound out words in a general way that they haven't seemed to notice.  Both kids can count up to 30 or more with a minimum of 'five-teens' and can sing the alphabet and recognize a few letters.  Lately, Pequita has been identifying letters, asking how to spell things, and wanting to "read" to herself and her brother.  Yahoo!  I feel like the genie is out of the bottle.  We are hot and heavy into Pequita-led school now, and she loves it.  Her brother is watching and picking things up even as he ignores her.  I'm about  start having a letter per day that we focus on, which should make a proper game out of it all.  Pequita now stops me as I read so that she can 'read' to us; many times her version of the story is much more fun that what was on the page.  In the car there is always a big stack of books between their car seats in back.  She selects a books, asks Monito what page he wants to read and then narrates the pictures to him.  It is a perfectly cooperative experience that they both love.

:: ASL.  Monito asked for Signing Time, a DVD series we haven't seen in a long time.  I started checking them out of the library again and we all hunker down to learn how to sign.  The kids really like it, and practice all the time.  We are all getting better; Monito takes particular interest and pride in his signing.  I can't recommend this series highly enough.  It is wonderfully done, fun to watch, and easy to learn from.  The songs are catchy enough that I don't mind catching myself singing them in the shower.

Afternoon Delight

What a crock. My afternoons have been sucking. I have these hyper-competent mornings where I get tons done, make jam, refinish dressers, harvest basil and make pesto to freeze for eating in February, put up quart after quart of preserves/ sauces/ pie fillings, get the dog to the vet, the kids to camp, myself to acupuncture, then get us all home, fed, napped, and fed again. Then it all goes to pot. The kids don't listen to me and make huge messes. I yell more than I want to. We all end up on a forced-march-type play activity, like digging and filling post holes, or spreading mulch; something they'll participate in even if they don't really enjoy it.

Today I told them Mommy needed a time out and they watched two whole episodes of Sesame - more TV than usual and with no fights. Homestead Mama has been working late all week, then some nights heading to softball too. Argh! I was in their room waiting for Pequita to fall asleep when Homestead Mama came home. She knows not to bust up the sleepy zone. Next thing I know, I get an email from myself on my Blackberry. H-Mama sent me a note from my open gmail account downstairs saying, "I'm home, sweetie. I'll start cleaning. Xoxo." A bright spot in my day, much needed.



Vacation is 5 days away. It can't come too soon.

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day may be a Hallmark contrived holiday, but we worked damn hard to get here and are basking in it as much as we can. Save for the random and generally fleeting moments, we agree that we have never been happier or more satisfied with our lives. We feel damned lucky.

Frankly, I have never felt more like a mother. Pequita is going through a most fun stage wherein she cries and pulls a Gandhi* at the drop of a hat. I believe it is called the terrible twos, and she's right on target. I have many mothers and grandmothers all over town patting me on the back and telling me that it gets easier as they smile that smile that means 'oh thank god my kids are through that stage.' I am quite touched that they reach out when they do, as it actually helps when she is on the floor of the grocery store bathroom/ parking lot/ playground/ gym/ children's museum having a tantrum. Monito, my little golden boy, is smack in the middle of the mommy-centric phase wherein he screams when anyone other than me tries to touch him. H-Mama will do in a pinch unless I am in the vicinity. This coincides with his teething. My nip.ples are raw and swollen because of Monito's top teeth coming in. He now has three on the bottom and one on top; that second top tooth is right on the verge of breaking through and he is still figuring out how to nurse without killing me. Who am I kidding - he isn't trying anything, just happily chewing away aaaaalllllllll the tiiiiiiiiiime. Homestead Mama remembers almost quitting breastfeeding in this stage, and I can totally see why.

To celebrate the day [= to get twenty extra minutes of dozing] we lolled in bed watching Thomas the Tank Engine when the babes woke up. I mowed the Figure 8 last night, so we are going to take a morning walk on the back 40 once my coffee brews. In years past we've mowed a path for our old dogs on the nine acres we let remain meadow to make it easier for their old arthritic bones to meander along short grass. Now, we'll keep it mowed for the babes. As summer progresses, the flowers, weeds, shrubs and grasses grow up tall on either side of the path and it is jolly good fun to see what is blooming or what animal is nesting at any given time. I love to mow it, as whatever grows back there smells very distinct and sweet when cut. I've never smelled a better mowing smell and I revel in it. Right now, the wild strawberries are flowering. In a few weeks, we'll have tiny red fruit to pick and eat along the path as we walk.

We Homestead Mom's have been, well, homesteading. I've been spending every spare minute that could have been used for blogging changing a grass-challenged bit of our garden into a glorious shrub and flower garden. It isn't glorious yet, but will be in a year or two when all the tiny plants I have put in fill out a bit. Right outside the front door is a large pine tree which has been overshadowing the yard completely. I decided to get rid of the foundering grass and plant native woodland plants that will flourish in the acid-rich soil and with only partial sunlight. We killed the grass by spreading out black plastic on it last spring, then - whoops! - had Monito and had no time to finish the job. A few weeks ago, I pulled up the plastic [the neighbors must have been thrilled!] spread out three cubic yards of mulch and started putting in plants I harvested from other places in our yard and a few evergreens from the nursery. Our carpenter Dave is unbelievably generous and has brought us pot after pot of plants he and his wife have thinned from their yard - hosta, Solomon's Seal, a few varieties of lilies. Pequita was bereft when the massive hill of steaming mulch disappeared from the front yard, as she really loved climbing it and rolling down to the bottom. [My children both looked like vagabonds, filthy and wet with dirt ringing their mouths as they continually tried to find a tasty piece of earth. Sadly, they remain that way and likely will for the duration of summers.] I eased her disappointment by installing a bird bath with WATER in it - the birds will clearly never come to it, as it is constantly getting emptied all over a certain younger brother, as well as having shovels, rocks and Legos left in it. So while I am holding off on showing you kitchen renovation pictures until it is done, behold my latest time investment. I couldn't be more pleased. It was completed almost entirely with one baby sleeping in the car and the other either on my back while I shoveled or moving mulch right along side me with her little shovel and big dump truck.

The patch of yard before. [I'd like to cut down the tree and put in a cluster of 8-12 foot tall pines for privacy, but H-Mama will hear nothing of it. I am holding out hope that we'll get the rest of the garage painted grey this summer.]

Mulch Mountain.
Monito, a.k.a. Bubba, loves to help.
The bare wall leading up to the front door is now flanked by Solomon's Seal. It will fill in and be lush in a few years. You can see the broken flower pot that serves as a toad house in the lower left corner. We check it each and every time we exit or enter the front door to visit the toad that lives under it each year. Poor toad.
The clematis plant that I gave H-Mama for mother's day. She has wanted one for years.
And the after picture. There's plenty of room left to put in perennials and more rocks to climb on, but the bones of the garden are in.
*Pulling a Gandhi: sinking bonelessly to the ground in an effort of passive resistance. Unlike the real Gandhi, Pequita's is accompanied by much screaming, clawing and crying. Most impressive. I'll try to get tape of it for you.

SAHM

About a week ago, Penguin Momma asked in the comments, "How is it being a SAHM?" (Stay At Home Mom.)

I have been ruminating on this. It is mixed. It is also busy, and I would have answered the question days ago if I had enough time. (I post so many pictures because it is quick, and I am proud of the babes. I have many thoughts about other things that I don't have time to coherently write down these days, but look forward to posting.)

I have always wanted to have children and stay home to raise my kids when they are little. I want to be the person who shapes their young lives, installs trust and love into everything they do, and give them a secure start. I feel strongly that I can do more for them staying home with them than I could by putting them in a daycare facility. Not everyone feels this way - Homestead Mama doesn't feel suited to staying home entertaining babies. She misses them terribly when she is at work, but feels more of a whole person when she is working. When she is at work, she can forget about the kids and focus on her day. When I'm at work, my mind regularly is drawn back to the kids, and I am conflicted about my job - I like working, I get a lot of satisfaction from it, really groove on the intellectual stimulation and love to work with my colleagues. I work at a university in a high powered, high pressure environment doing executive support for faculty. Amongst the drudgery that makes up part of everyone's job, I have interesting, meaty tasks and projects to work on for which I get recognition and that I really enjoy, like publishing an 80-page report annually, and being the image and historical archivist for a thriving department, among other things. Before we had kids, I regularly worked late, took work home, and invested a huge amount of myself in the job because it was the best way to do it, and I liked getting things done properly. Since Homestead Mama has been pregnant, and particularly since Pequita was born, I found myself sitting at my desk pining to be elsewhere, leaving work early to fetch Pequita from daycare, getting to work late because it was hard to leave the baby in the morning, and generally feeling very torn between the two lives I have. When I'm working, I feel as though I am stealing time for my baby. When I am at home with the kids, I feel that I have to steal time from the kids for my work (be it helping my fill-in manage my paid job, or the artistic work I truly love, the fiber design & creation, stained glass, woodworking and writing.) Given that situation, I am much happier focusing on the kids and stealing time for work now and again. I know that work will still be there in a month, one year, five years from now. The kids will all too soon be pulling away and asserting their independence.

I have been spending a lot of time arduously weighing the pros and cons of staying home, quitting a good job that pays very well in order to be home with the babies. It can get boring in my living room with people who cannot talk yet - it is work to keep it interesting, and to keep myself engaged in the process. I have actively sought to build and maintain a group of mothers with whom to meet regularly with our kids to get some companionship & mental stimulation. In the group we have a woman who used to do mediation for unions, a German television journalist, lawyers, faculty, artists, a farmer, etc. It is never boring. We meet up periodically for evening pot luck meals with the husbands/partners in tow, and that is great as well. My wonderful town has well-appointed parks and walking paths for kids, and a science center/museum for children, as well as many activities for young families. It is a great place to raise a family, and I'm intending to try to take advantage of as much as possible.

I think I'll be happy and fulfilled at home. If I end up hating it, I'll go back to work. But I would always regret not trying this out.

In The Middle of the Night

Monito just woke me. He sleeps in a co-sleeper attached to my side of the bed. He stirred and whimpered and I reached out to cup the side of his face in my hand to let him know I am close. This quieted him down for a minute, but he was clearly uncomfortable and dreaming. I put his pacifier in his mouth, and he gratefully sucked it in. I let him grip my finger in his hot little fist, and patted his belly with my hand to distract him from whatever body sensation had him whimpering. We both dozed off like this. Each time he chirped, I'd start up the patting again and he'd settle down for a while.

In the middle of the night, by the faint glow of the nightlight at the foot of the bed, it feels like he and I are in a cozy, dozey little bubble. The rest of the room fades, Pequita and Homestead Mama are so quiet that it seems that I am alone with our son. It is a safe microcosm in which I can give him what he needs to be happy and alive, comforting him with my presence and my touch, nursing him, rocking him in my arms until he is still. I am very aware that this is the only time in his life that this will be true. He and I fall asleep, and I am awakened again, but this time by Pequita coughing herself into a state of partial wakefulness. She staggers to a kneeling position, drunk with fatigue. She cries out and I pull her out of her crib. Homestead Mama usually tends to her at night, but she is so overtired from the night before that she hasn't woken up yet. Pequita, upon recognizing me as I get her settled on my body, smiles a wide close-mouthed grin and comfortably closes her eyes as she reaches out both hands to guide the proffered breast into her mouth. I stand next to her crib with her body perpendicular to mine, holding her hips and legs in one arm and supporting her shoulders with the other while I nurse her. In this position I can sway and rock her while she nurses herself back to sleep. I am glad she woke up, as I usually have to wake up and pump at some point in the night because I make too much milk for Monito. I make the perfect amount for both babies, I think. If Homestead Mama decides to stop nursing as much as she currently does, I think I can easily pick up the slack. It is much nicer to nurse a smiling warm baby at 1 am than to sit in a stupor pumping a couple of bottles of milk to freeze for the future. I can't skip the nightime pump, though, or I wake up in the morning with wet sheets, having leaked milk all over the bed.

Once Pequita is good and truly back to sleep, I put her back in her crib where she immediately curls up into my own favorite position to sleep in as a toddler, with my cheek against the mattress and my butt in the air, legs curled up underneath me. I realize I am quite awake and decide to blog a bit. Homestead Mama and I haven't been making the time to keep a good journal of the babies development. If I don't blog it, it doesn't get written down. I'm working to change that, as there is much more than I write here, but for now, my joy and satisfaction at this stage in my life, and my utter love and adoration for my nightime babies, is here for you all to read about. I wish I could capture the feeling better than I have, but words are so clumsy when trying to describe the feeling of my heart welling up.

continuity (with a side of baby butt)

i am sitting in my bedroom, in a chair my mother rocked me to sleep in 38 years ago, rocking my son to sleep. he has been experiencing annoying & worrisome (for me) painful & frustrating (for him) gas and spitting up for the last couple days. i was relieved to go to the pediatrician today to ask about it, except i wrote down the wrong day and we all hauled ourselves to the docs for nothing today. we'll go back on friday when they'll actually be expecting us. hysterical mistake with 2 infants, eh? to make it worth all the effort, we weighed the babes. pequita shocked us by only having gained half a pound per week, which means she's on a normal trajectory; she now weighs 22 lbs and a couple ounces (we didn't take off their diapers since it was an unofficial weigh-in.) monito, whose nickname might become brutus, is still gaining a pound a week and is now 12 lbs +. the woman in the waiting room thought he was 2 months old; he turned 9 months two days ago.

the hormones and time have worked - i am as over the moon for our son as i am over pequita. he looks a lot like me and the side of the family that he is named for (his real name, that is; you all know that i didn't really name my kids what i call them here on the blog, right?) monito lools so much like my dad as an infant, too, that it is clear my family genes, blond and blue-eyed though they may be, are sufficiently sturdy as to trump the 4 generations (that we know about) of dark-eyed and -haired donor genes. it is very special. he's got my eyes & eyebrows, nose, crooked pinky fingers, and (sadly) my enormous skull.

we ended our afternoon of errands today at the local university's psych l ab, having volunteered pequita for a linguistics / language acquisition experiment. or so they said - i took enough psych courses in college to know that they don't tell us what the real experiment is about so we don't impact the results. while i nursed an unquiet baby boy behind 2-way mirror, homestead mama played w/ pequita in the lab's playroom to acclimate her to the space. the tester commented that pequita crawled amazingly well for the short time she's been mobile while i beamed and bit my tongue to keep from recounting the 6 million ways in which she manifests her superior intellect and physical prowess. tomorrow we take pequita back for another 30 minutes of play - the first and third 10 minute stretches h-mama will do more free play, and the middle 10 minute stretch h-mama will do what the experimenter tells her to do in an earpiece a la fbi operative. very interesting so far. i've always wanted kids that i could volunteer as lab rats. too many psych electives and too much college town living, i suppose.

a couple days ago the kids has their first experience in a pool. we filled a cheap plastic pool with about 3" of bracingly cold water from our well and eased them out of the 95 degree humid air into the liquid heaven. unsurprisingly, monito (who really only had his toes dipped for a split-second) hated it and squealed in his usual protest sound. pequita fell in love with her pool, cold water, hot summer days and her moms for bringing it all together for her. behold pure bliss:
at this rate, i think our upcoming vacation to the cape cod beach will be a roaring success. and can i just take a little credit for finding the perfect swimsuit for the baby daughter of two dykes? recognizably gay with rainbow stripes but tastefully executed with cute but not frou-frou bows on the hips. and all for $1.50 at the used baby goods store. damn, but i'm good. and pequita's most amazing built-by-breastmilk hunk-a hunk-a burning baby butt & thighs. we are so proud.

6 month milestones

Pequita has fed herself. She turned 6 months old last Wed, and this afternoon managed to properly hold her bottle for an extended feeding. She is lying in the antique cradle that Boston Grandma bought for her at an auction that we keep in front of the stove - since it was snowing here today (we regularly get a storm or two in April) it is the best nap site in the house. Once she was full, the playing began and it got a little messy. The dogs took care of the clean up, though.

After the recent press about BPA toxicity, we bought her BPA-free plastic bottles from Born-Free (better safe than sorry) and will sell all the hand-me-down Avent bottles we were using. We also got some glass bottles from Born-Free, for home use. They keep the milk warmer for longer, although it will be a while until we trust her to hold one on her own. I will be making felted wool bottle covers for them, both to insulate them as well as make them less likely to break when we inevitably drop them.

Homestead Mama still breastfeeds Pequita full time, pumping when at work, and we supplement with formula for a few bottles a week, mostly at daycare. I've been giving her bottles of breastmilk since she was few weeks old, at first when Homestead Mama was having breastfeeding pain and now to give Homestead Mama a break from duties to give her some free time. We haven't started giving her food yet, although she is old enough. We will soon, I think, because we are intrigued with the prospect and also Pequita is starting to notice us feeding ourselves and is interested in the process.

Pequita is a sturdy kid, which is good for me as my style with babies is vigorous. She likes being swung about, tipped upside down, and lifted above my head. She chortles with delight when dropped a short distance into the pouf of duvets on our bed. She is standing a lot more - propped up, holding onto our hands, and as you can see below, clutching the cage of her beloved parrot Peaches. Of course, she lets go when distracted, so we are awfully diligent. Bets are still out on whether we can get her through toddlerhood with only the one big head bump.

Homestead living

Hottie Friend, a.k.a. Pequita's fairy godmother, offered to pass up birthday parties, bar gatherings, and other good offers to babysit for us last night. Homestead Mama and I haven't had a date night in several months, so we jumped at the chance. And with Hottie Friend so in love with Pequita, it almost feels like we are doing a public service by sharing her. So we giggled about it all week, and had a good time selecting the cuisine and movie that we were going to enjoy. We ended up having to drive Pequita to and from Hottie Friend's in a snowstorm, which I love because we haven't had much snow at all this year. We had a great time. The Mexican restaurant gave us someone else's takeout order with twice as much food as we had ordered (or paid for). Since it WAS during a snowstorm, we didn't take it back. We missed the kid, but it was great not having to keep an ear open at all times for her - we could really relax. It has been a long time since we have snuggled on the couch with each other - mostly baby snuggling these days. We are ever more grateful to Hottie Friend. There are not many folks we would leave Pequita with, and none enjoy it more than she does.

Today we had really good intentions to get many errands done. Instead, we entertained a friend & her son, which reinforced thoroughly that we HAVE NOT toddlerproofed our home. We caught up on our taped TV while Pequita napped, and we romped in the yard in the snow with the dogs, one of our favorite things to do.

I hope the next paragraph doesn't make all guests decline to visit us in the winter. Really, our house may be cluttered and harbor a little extra pet fur, but we don't live in squalor. We just take care of homestead business as necessary. Oh, the humanity!

We live in a farmhouse built in 1851. We are surrounded by acres of fields, meadows and woods, in which live deer, rabbits, groundhogs, moles, etc. We regularly hear packs of coyote yipping at night. The rodents that support this diverse wildlife community join us during the coldest parts of the winter. For the most part, they stay in the unfinished basement or on an unheated side porch. Well, two days ago Homestead Mama let out a screech as she opened the antique pantry cupboard in which we store our drygoods. A mouse had breached the confines of the interior of the house. Time for me to set my trap lines, as where there is one mouse, there are more. We knew that the side porch had been hosting some larger visitors since it got cold a few weeks ago. By larger visitors, I mean rats - but wait! don't freak out yet. While unwelcome, they are glossy-coated healthy animals who happen to have a winter home on our porch, where we feed the cats and keep the litter pans. So really, our rats are well fed on Science Diet cat food. We haven't ever seen them (or any evidence of them) in the house, or I'd be sleeping elsewhere. I set out two snap traps in the pantry last night baited with peanut butter. I awoke to Homestead Mama calling up the stairs, "The carnage has begun." Both traps had field mice in them. Drunk with my success, I reset the pantry traps immediately and caught another mouse around 6:30pm. Whoopee! I put out a couple more pantry traps, and feeling lucky, set 3 huge rat traps baited with dog treats on the side porch. I'll let you know how it goes - maybe even post some pictures.

2007 tally: Rodents: 0. Me: 3.

Fools Rush In (or, Why Our Kids Will Be Born So Close In Age)

A friend online asked the following question:
Do you think it will be ok to have two very small ones? Do you worry at all about your newborn getting enough attention, etc, given there will be a very small big sister in the picture?

To preface, this answer is theoretical since the second kid is still in utero. I have, however, in my usual thorough (obsessive) style, read a great deal, talked to many friends w/ 2 kids, some with twins, to paint the most accurate picture of what we are likely going to experience. It would be interesting to hear from others with kids close in age about their experiences. (If it is really awful, don't comment, ok?)

Having 2 small kids close in age will be challenging. You skip or minimize some conflicts (initial jealousy of elder kid, kids not playing well together) and exacerbate other problems (how do you feed/ soothe/ diaper/ etc. TWO at ONE TIME?) For me, the key issues boiled down to one main and 6 sub issues.

My main concern: it took us about 4 years and around $20k out of pocket to get a live baby with Homestead Mama delivering. I am a little older now than she was when she started – if we wait until Pequita is 18 months or so before I start trying, and I have trouble… I was unwilling to let my eggs get older. I wanted lots of time to keep trying, if time is what it took.

Secondary issues:
1. How do we feel about having all our family at once? Will there be enough time for each kid separately?
2. Do we physically have room/ resources for 2 at once?
3. Can one of us be a SAHM / can we afford daycare for 2 at once?
4. How strong is the relationship between partners – can we manage high stress situations, emergencies on little to no sleep?
5. Do we have a local support system in place for the help we WILL need?
6. Is there a cute and well-designed stroller for 2 very young kids so we are excited to leave the house en famille?

Below will surely be TMI, but I have a few minutes, so here goes. For us, the answers were as follows:

1. We have always planned on each having one kid, for a total of two. (Here’s where you laugh at the concept of planning anything to do with fertility.) Since I want the option of staying home with them when they are young, clumping them together means I am out of the work force for less time. It means that home life will be crazy for a while. The house will be messy until the kids are old enough to be put to work. The pets might get a bit less attention (see post below). Saving for college would take on a different structure.
BUT.
The kids would be really close developmentally, socially and emotionally (hopefully). They’d share a bedroom until they hit pre-puberty and hated each other (or a little younger, maybe, if they aren’t the same sex). We’d get through stages a bit faster. We already have a pack mentality in our house (with 3 dogs, 2 cats, 4 parrots) and fly by the seat of our pants a lot. We are comfortable with minimal scheduling & winging it a lot. Homestead Mama and I have very different strengths, and feel like we’ll balance out well for the kids. We’ll need to make sure that each kid gets regular time alone w/ each mom, and with both moms together, but have the support system to manage that.

2. We’re mostly all set w/ space & resources. We never turn down an offer of hand-me-down clothing or equipment. Anything we can’t use (or refuse to dress our kid in - there’s some UGLY stuff out there) we gave away to others who might use it or we trade it in for store credit at the local kids used clothing/supplies store.

3. I have always wanted to be a SAHM / WAHM while my kids were young. We bought a house that we could afford on one paycheck with this in mind. Homestead Mama makes more than I do, and wants to keep working = perfect. We could also afford, in our small town, to put them both in daycare if we need to. Both of our jobs allow for the other partner to be added to a family health insurance plan, no small feat in this country.

4. In our short 7 years together, Homestead Mama and I have gutted & renovated a house together, bought a rental house & found tenants, and made it through 3+ years of (in)fertility appointments, treatments and surgeries during which our lives, vacation schedules, and finances were hijacked. We use therapy as a tool when we need it, and generally just get along well & compliment each other’s personalities. We haven’t crashed yet, and one of us always manages to offer fresh hands for the baby (dog, cordless drill) when the other is ready to explode.

5. We are very lucky & live in a very gay-friendly town. While we have no family in town, we have a great couple across the street who are itching to get their hands on the kid anytime we are willing to hand her over. (They gave us the felted strawberry hat seen in earlier posts.) We have a friend* with a flexible student schedule and no kids of her own who comes over 2 – 3 times per week to love on Pequita while we clean, sleep, or have a date. We have a large enough group of friends w/ young kids who are available for playgroups, babysitting, pediatrician advice, 3am calls about odd rashes, etc. Also, my parents are retired, and want to come for a week-long visit every 6 weeks but are also able to come for emergencies (like if (when) my back goes out again and we have 2 young babies). All this has taken work to create/maintain, but is worth it on so many levels.

6. Why yes, there is! Phil & Ted’s E3 with doubles seat. And it comes in orange! And so here we are. Pequita is 4 months old and I'm 21w1d, due June 14th. We've made our bed and are now just trying to find time to have a nap in it.

*This friend pointed out that she is much more than I described. She will heretofore be referred to as "Hottie Friend, a.k.a. Pequita's Fairy Godmother".

Sticky life

Homestead Mama called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that we have entered a new phase of parenting. This caused some concern, as the last time I heard this gravity in her voice it had to do with the onset of projectile pooping. She went on to say that we have entered the Sticky zone. Pequita's presence in our life is causing sticky spots to appear on surfaces - table tops, books, clothing, TV remote controls. Our baby is growing up.I really need to focus on blogging from home, where it isn't A) illegal, and B) I have access to all my pictures. This post could have a lovely shot of Pequita drooling onto herself and others, her most consistant skill so far (aside from the pooping & farting). Finding time at home is difficult, since Pequita does not yet find the blinking computer screen nearly as interesting as I do and tends to protest sitting in the office for any length of time. Her 'protesting' causes the dogs' ears to press so hard against their heads that they look like seals, and they flee the room in distress. The cats just move to the first floor and select a new cushion to guard.