Is It April ALREADY?

This post is so clearly brought to you by the sandbox I built and installed last summer.  It is about 30 feet from the new French doors, and has captivated the kids this year.  I may find time to make it prettier shortly, but who really cares?  Now that the weather is warm again, the yard is their amusement park and they can spend hours out there playing on the swing set, hammock, sandbox, deck, and gravel pit.  They paint on the easel in the grass, kick the balls that decorate the yard, and seem to be teaching themselves how to play leap frog with the most hysterical outcome.  Lots of pouncing, squashing, and reconnoitering before the next physical fiasco. 

I'm not sure I'm doing this whole parenting thing right, but the kids? They take up all my time.  Perhaps if I ignored them more, or if they liked to play by themselves more I'd get more done, but most of the time I am attending to them all day and then Homestead Mama comes home after an 11-hour work day about 10 minutes before their bedtime and reads to them, we put them through the 20 minute bed time ritual and then go downstairs, collapse on the couch together, talk about the day or how we really should submit our taxes soon and then watch a DVR show and go to sleep.  It isn't glamorous, but it does work for us.

Here's what I have been doing of late:

:: Tending to a friend's chicks and planning our own coop and flock.  We are set to order a bunch of Sussex, Black Australorps, Barred Plymouth Rock, and Silver Wyandottes.  With a couple Ameracaunas for H-Mama, as she wants the colored eggs. All hens, save for one rooster for Monito.  He wants to name it Big Shot after his favorite character in our current favorite book.

:: Easter! And the requisite lengths of rope in the baskets. What? You didn't get your kids rope for Easter?  Silly readers.  It is the new tape.  It ties in (hardy har har) with the pirate theme we are sporting in this house.  A lovely relaxing hour can be had by a mom sitting and being tied up.

:: Training the boy to not say "You IDIOTS!" to his sister when he gets frustrated.  Thanks a lot, Cruella DeVille.  He only uses it in the plural, because Cruella hurls the insult at the Badden Brothers.  The boy hasn't figured out that his sister is a singular, and this makes is just funny enough that I can't take him seriously.  I take him more seriously when he says "You ASSHOLES!" at his blocks or Playmobil vehicles.  He learned that from, um, Homestead Mama!  Yes!  That's it!  Bad, Homestead Mama.

:: Enjoying the new game my kids have developed, Shoe Fighting.  It happens in the car since we have a micro-minivan instead of the cavernous Odyssey.  When they get a little nutty they have begun pummeling one another.  It is like thumb-wrestling, but with feet, and kicking.  So much fun!  I was parked next to an Odyssey at the grocery store the other day and once I had strapped my kids in I leaned into the wide open side door while the mom-owner was returning her cart to the kiosk. Oh my goodness, we could have comfortably slept our whole family in there.  I stood half in, half out of the vehicle, mouth agape, as I mentally ticked off all the things I could fit in there.  A whole additional child + car seat!  All our vacation packing!  A stroller AND some bikes!  I was ready to sign on to a 13 mpg car right then and there.  Sigh.  Mommy porn, for sure.  I should note that except for not being a cavernous minivan, our Mazda 5 is awesome and I have NO regrets.  If we do have a third kid, though, watch out! 

::Pequita has reached a phase where she mimics a lot. Me, H-Mama, her brother.  This means that much of the time she is either swearing (us) or reduced to almost-three-year-old behavior (her brother).  Good times!  Tantrums, misbehavior, whining, she does it all with a 7-second delay after her brother.  Because is isn't enough to live through the first time!  She is potty trained during the day, and we still diaper her during nap times and night just to catch any accidents.  Today, she opted to stay in her diaper after naps until she pooped in her diaper, something we are working with her brother on.  She stalked in to the room I was in and demanded, "You will change my diaper NOW."  I snickered quietly, and tried to make it a learning experience.  Mistake.  She got increasingly upset and really just wanted the stinky dipe off right away.  I hope the experiment is over, and she won't do it again.  Her stress levels are such that when it happens, it is like a 4-alarm fire. She cannot understand her brother who still resists the change and would prefer to wear his poop around with him for comfort for many long minutes (hours) after the fact.

:: Watching the wildlife return to our yard.  Birds are flocking to the feeders and nesting bags we put out (mesh bags full of yarn & fabric scraps for the birds to use as nesting material.)  Recently a ring-necked pheasant traipsed around our yard for a while, much to our amazement and joy.  The next day, we encountered his body on the road near the house.  Someone had hit him but good with their car.  I stopped the car and let the kids see him.  Pequita remarked that her "heart was very sad".  Mine too, little girl.

::

:: Cooking up a storm.  I'm using up the fruit and meat in our freezer as fast as I can.  Sunday, rhubarb chutney with fresh ham.  Behold the glory of chutney spices!

Recently, several no-knead bread options, Mongolian beef, gingerbread and pies galore.  We have a half side of grass fed beef in the freezer, and are about to pick up a half lamb, and a whole young pig, all non-certified organic and really yummy.  We need to clear out as much as we can before the influx occurs.  On the list of things to tackle soon: Greek yogurt, hot dog buns from scratch, cole slaw (to use up the last of our stored cabbage), and sausage and pate with all our meat.

::Yard work!  Clearing fall brush away, landscaping when I can fit it in, raking, seeding, digging.  We'll have to start mowing this week, which takes about 2 hours at a time since we have 1.5 acres of tended yard.  Plus an extra hour if we mow the path through the meadow. We need a goat, but won't get one until AFTER we have a small barn for it.  Can't wait for the goat's milk, goat cheese, and free brush removal.

:: Double-digging my garden patch.  Last year, my six 4' x 4' raised beds were more to keep the kids and dogs off my planting area.  This year, I'll move them to the edge of the garden and they will become our dedicated strawberry and asparagus beds and I'll leave our regular garden plots on the bare ground.  This patch took about an hour to dig; three more to go this year.  I'll expand more next year; this year, three 4' x 12' beds will have to suffice.

:: Sitting watching the sky at sunset, sunrise, and any time in between.

:: Many cookouts and campfires.  Homestead Mama likes to be active, so will putter in the yard and then burn her gleanings. The kids love to cook their dinner over the campfire.  Up next: foil meals.  Wrapping a potato, some meat and veggies up in a piece of tin foil and setting it in the coals to cook.  

:: Seed starting for the aforementioned garden.  I still have to plan out my layout, companion plantings, and buy starters for whatever doesn't sprout.  This year, we saved our Easter egg shells and started sunflowers and pumpkins in the shells.  

:: Many walks on the property.  The children have A LOT OF ENERGY and need to let off steam in a large area where the creation of another game along the lines of "Shoe Fighting" can be avoided.  We go out into the field and pick weeds, look for birds nesting, track deer, play with our ever-present dogs, and throw things.  It is really fun, always different, and makes me love our investment in 10 acres.

:: Playground and friend play dates.  At least 4 times a week.  The kids are so different from last year.  Pequita was already a master at climbing and physical activities.  This year, she can (be still my heart) make it up to the tiny, bendy branches in the climbing trees before I even know she's gone.  Monito is finally, for the first time, in charge of his body in a way that clearly brings him great satisfaction.  He runs, jumps, climbs, and vaults with reckless abandon and much success, something that has eluded him until now.  He's seen his sister's mastery for a long time and now it is his turn, which is an obvious thrill.  Both kids interact in a whole new way with other little kids.  Pequita has made new friends on the playground, and will hold hands and prance off with sweet little girls to find privacy and giggle and play.  Monito seems to prefer boys he already knows, but the fact that he wants to interact with anyone other than Mommy is huge.  He loves his friends Nate and Desmond because they will rough house with him, and chase, run, sword fight and frolic with him.  He woke from his nap today saying that he dreamed of having a tea party with green balloons and cookies and all his buddies were in attendance and then they played pirates until dark, when they lit a bonfire and cooked things all by themselves.  This is such a huge developmental leap for him - it is both thrilling and heart breaking for me.  My babies are really growing up.  Yay!  (Sob.)

:: Organizing.  Purging.  Yippee!  Homestead Mama made me promise not to ever throw any of her stuff away without asking her first.  Sadly (for her), she works an hour away and I am home with the clutter of a lifetime of collecting.  I have been taking bag after bag of lovely goods to the thrift store and getting my tax deductible receipt for our donation.  In the long run, she'll be happy.  In the short run, she is thrilled at how the house is looking.  Somewhere in between she'll figure out what is happening, but I'm hoping for the best.  I made a play kitchen for the kids using some cube shelves from the local unfinished furniture store and a couple things from Lowes.  They love it, and by winter they'll probably want to be inside long enough to use it a lot.  I still have to cut a door for the 'fridge', but I have a big day of sawing planned for the near future.

:: Pirates!  Did I mention the pirates?  Pequita loves her face paints still, and chooses black and pink.  This equals 'Ballerina Pirate' for her.  Monito chooses more traditional colors, but they are still actively dressing up and whacking. 

:: Pequita is undertaking the effort of reading.  I have been resisting the urge to push them, drill letters, numbers, words.  I have been tortured in a small way by the kids who can write their names already, or write many words by the time they are 3. My mother was an amazing, patient, skilled teacher of Kindergarten through 3rd grade for over 30 years and suggested that I wait, not push them, and let them lead.  All along I've been teaching in the abstract; I read books constantly while tracing words with my finger, spell and sound out words in a general way that they haven't seemed to notice.  Both kids can count up to 30 or more with a minimum of 'five-teens' and can sing the alphabet and recognize a few letters.  Lately, Pequita has been identifying letters, asking how to spell things, and wanting to "read" to herself and her brother.  Yahoo!  I feel like the genie is out of the bottle.  We are hot and heavy into Pequita-led school now, and she loves it.  Her brother is watching and picking things up even as he ignores her.  I'm about  start having a letter per day that we focus on, which should make a proper game out of it all.  Pequita now stops me as I read so that she can 'read' to us; many times her version of the story is much more fun that what was on the page.  In the car there is always a big stack of books between their car seats in back.  She selects a books, asks Monito what page he wants to read and then narrates the pictures to him.  It is a perfectly cooperative experience that they both love.

:: ASL.  Monito asked for Signing Time, a DVD series we haven't seen in a long time.  I started checking them out of the library again and we all hunker down to learn how to sign.  The kids really like it, and practice all the time.  We are all getting better; Monito takes particular interest and pride in his signing.  I can't recommend this series highly enough.  It is wonderfully done, fun to watch, and easy to learn from.  The songs are catchy enough that I don't mind catching myself singing them in the shower.

Wonderland

The kids have embraced winter. Snow angels, sledding for the first (and second, third, fourth and fifth) time, shoveling snow in a productive and actually helpful way, bushwacking, vaulting off the deck into the drifts of snow, all followed by hot chocolate at home or the cafe. We are having a great winter!

90 Minutes

How did you spend the first 90 of your day?

I got to sleep in a bit today - until 9:10! This is no small favor, as anyone who knows me is aware how very much of a night person I am. Homestead Mama frequently takes the early shift with the kids which usually means that she gets them in dry diapers/ panties and kisses me goodbye, but today she ended up going in to work a little late so she could get the garbage out, feed the dogs, and tidy up a bit since she knew I stayed up until after midnight painting people and watching bad TV. The kids helped her with all these tasks, so it took her almost 2 hours. Having missed the early playgroup meet-ups by getting up so late, I embraced the staying home concept. The kids love to meet and play with their friends; they also love to have Mommy on the living room floor in a pig pile, leading the marching band, or getting down the good paints from the top shelf. What everyone says about how beneficial it is when you are living in the moment, following your kids lead, giving them your complete and utter attention? Very true. Hard to maintain, but that's what meditation is for.

We started out explaining what Pequita had painted on her brother's face while Mommy was in the bathroom (a lion). She paints their faces every day at least once. Yesterday she accompanied me on all our errands with a huge black and purple blotch on her cheek looking for all the world as though I had been beating some compliance into her. She proudly told anyone who asked that it was the Evil Queen from Snow White. A little nonrepresentational, but she got the colors right.

I was treated to a ballet recital by the ballerina in our house while I brushed my teeth. She then taught her brother how to twirl and plie, which is going to be the impetus I needed to order myself a new charging cord for my video camera. My kids dancing together is something that I would love to watch on DVD as an old lady sitting in my quiet house when the kids are grown.

We followed that by playing trumpet on our left over cooked shell noodles from last night. (The stuffed shells with organic pork meat sauce was a HUGE hit with all of us. A good thing, since I made two gigantic pans.)Yankee Doodle Dandy, tooted deep with a whole noodle and ever-shriller as the noodles mysteriously got shorter and shorter in the kids mouths. Pequita bounced on her riding bouncy ball in time to the song. Then I got them dressed while singing This Old Man. The kids got to alternate picking the number verse I sang; Pequita worked her way through 1 - 10, but Monito only ever chose 2. Each time I sang, "He played knick knack on his shoe" there was much cracking up. I think he likes the way showing me 2 feels in his fingers - he uses his index and thumb (a.k.a. Pointer and Thumbkins in our house.)


They spotted the dice jar on a shelf and we spent 20 minutes playing with that. Every time I go to the thrift store, consignment store, or salvation army I buy up all the dice games I can. Boggle is a great one. I then repurpose the boxes and other playing bits elsewhere in our lives and toss the dice into a big jar. We make up our own games, spell our names and whatever words the kids want, and then sort them back into the jar by color, size, letter, whatever. It always changes, which keeps it fun for all of us. I also have a massive jar of Scrabble tiles for the same purpose. The nice stiff game boards make great dance floors or car ramps when Mod Podged with pretty paper or painted over by toddlers.


I didn't post the picture with their names spelled out even though it was the better photo. For now, I am going to keep the anonymity up on the blog. It is annoying to have to write fake names, but as a lesbian family with cute kids in a fairly identifiable town, I just feel safer. I'm actually working on another blog idea, one that would end up being more craft oriented and less of a family/ baby book and would use our real names. Because I need MORE time on my computer. Sigh.

Author, Author

As soon as we graduated from super simple baby books it became obvious that there was a serious problem. So many books about straight families, and most of the few LGBT friendly books out there are so do-goody that they are saccharine. (Can anyone make recommendations otherwise?). If ANY of the dads are even vaguely gender neutral, metro sexual, or - easiest of all - animals, then I make them female and voila, a lesbian family structure for my kids to relax into and identify with. (Goldilocks and the Lesbian Bears is a regular on our bedtime story list.)

Yesterday Pequita brought me the only book in the food coop play area, about Father's Day. Luckily, the little bunny selected plants and yard tools as presents for his bunny dad, and it was easy to transpose the pronouns into Mommy and Mama. But I had to think hard with a sick headachey brain, and I stumbled several times, and sheesh, how annoying.

I have grown weary of having to track the kid's books closely as I read them to carefully make sure we are represented alongside the dads. We have lots of gay friends with kids, so the kids see families like their own, but I want more fiction books for them. So I decided to write them and self publish them. I guess they'll be about our exact family structure, and maybe I'll even illustrate them. My sister and mom are both excellent artists, so maybe I can wrangle one of them to help. Maybe I'll even sell the books if they end up having appeal to anyone other than our family. But for right now, we just need some books about a sister and brother with two moms. And maybe a dog named Cosmo.

Operation Sleep: day who-the-fuck-knows

Monito woke me up four times last night, but a few minutes of bouncing on the yoga ball was sufficient to get him back to sleep. There was no long 5-hour stretch of staying awake. And Pequita has slept well at night. She is, however, still struggling to nap in her crib during the day. Homestead Mama put her through the crib-training paces this morning, and ended up bringing her downstairs again after an hour of no-sleep-just-screaming, which is what we agreed to do. After that, we kept her awake all day, and I took both babies to the local indoor play space from 3:30 - 5:30 pm for a change of pace, and to give H-mama some quiet time to herself in the house (she lets me sleep in each weekend mornings when possible). Pequita was asleep in the car within 2 miles, but I woke her exhausted butt up once we arrived 6 minutes later. She played hard and with excitement for two full hours on no naps at all; by the end she was coming to visit and lean on me more and more. Monito stayed awake and engaged the whole time. Then we went home for the yummy pork loin in lemon garlic sauce that H-mama cooked while we were gone. Homestead Mama took the night shift of putting her to bed at her regular time, 8 pm. She nursed her with a book, and carried Pequita barely awake into her crib. a couple foot kicks and Pequita was out. She's still down 90 minutes later. Monito was awake for a long time giggling, playing with me and being his new mature self. He's asleep now, and I'm going up to take advantage of it shortly.

As an aside, I am going to love the indoor play space this winter when the playgrounds are all covered in ice and snow. It is a large gym that has many stations - two slides, a big play structure with tunnels, a fleet of ride-on vehicles, and a large area with diverse smaller toys. All the climbing structures and the small toy area are on top of 2" thick gymnastic mats. Pequita proved that her spacial relations are still not quite developed, as she made a big to do about stepping up the 2" to get on a mat, and instead of walking off the other edge, she would approach it with trepidation, kneel down at the edge and spin around, doing the dismount backwards on her hands and knees. This is how she now gets off the couch, the window seat, all high things. The 2" of the mat clearly concerns her. It is really funny to watch. Hopefully I can get it on tape before she learns to do it differently. All this from the girl who after two supervised times on the 4' high slide did it over and over again by herself. Up the stairs, walk along the top edge holding on to the railing, sit down at the top of the slide and jettison to the bottom with enough speed to fly off the lip and bounce a couple times on her butt on the floor. Each time this happened, she would sit and clap for herself for a few seconds, then get up and rush off somewhere else. That's our girl.

Lazy Sunday (Retro Post, July 15th)

Our last weekend with my mother here to help out. We slept in as long as possible. This translates into Homestead Mama getting up with Pequita at 7am & taking her downstairs to play until 9am, when she brings her back up and they return to sleep. I've been in bed with Monito all this time, since he starts fussing at 4am and I only doze for the last few hours of the night. We wake up to this, usually:

Family life with two babies is never dull, and we are rarely still anymore. One of the babes is usually active and awake and needing tending. It is manageable with both of us present, but when only one of us is available, complications set in quickly. When we return from our lovely beach vacation in mid-August and I am planning to be home with both babes alone, I expect much crying (from all of us) as we adjust to not getting what we want when we want it. This picture really captures how my brain perceives the 1 parent to 2 baby ratio - all is well, but things are moving fast.

Pequita has definitely figured out that her brother exists and is here for her to abuse. H-mama was tending to her while I tried to capture Monito's blue eyes before they change to brown (which I am still hoping doesn't happen) and here are two pictures taken 4 seconds apart.

1. happy baby enjoying his soothie:

2. baby confused at sister's plump arm removing his soothie long before he was done with it. Seconds later, it was in her happy mouth being gnawed on to relieve sore teething gums.

Poor Monito has a few rough months left as he trails behind his very active savant sister in size and dexterity. He'll catch up soon enough.

Sleep, sleep, perchance to dream...

Fine, fine. While Hamlet's anguish is at its height in that soliloquy, I am merely exhausted. I took Wednesday off from work with a bad headache & nausea & such fatigue the likes of which I haven't had since the first trimester. I slept all day, waking up at 7pm, and happy to go back to sleep at about 10pm. It must be the hormones, which is better than the stomach flu, which was my initial diagnosis. Except that the flu would be gone by now and I'm still flat out exhausted. I fell asleep at my desk yesterday. That's a touch embarrassing, I might point out, when someone barges in needing something. Blink blink - stammer stammer. Yup, no way to coolly cover that up. Homestead Mama is outwardly very supportive and understanding, and is happy to take Pequita after work - all I have to do is pick the baby up on my way home from work & entertain her until H-Mama appears. We do this in bed w/ many toys and me laying flat. Secretly, Homestead Mama must be thinking how much better she had it - she has no recollection of any hormonal effect on her at all for the duration of her pregnancy. *I* remember her momentary lapses, fits of pique and rageful stomping. Hindsight is fleeting - maybe I'll forget all this in time.

When I was very young, my dad used to come home from work tuckered out & be met at the door by three small kids totally bored with their mother, having spent all day doing nothing with her but making puppets, forts, assorted craft projects, playing outside, you know, boring stuff. Then wonderful, magical, novelty DAD would appear and we'd start clambering for his attention. One of our favorite games was "Sleeping Giant". He would take off his coat and tie, lie down in the middle of the living room floor and pretend to be a sleeping giant, complete with fake snoring and grunting. We'd giggle, creep around him, working up our brevity to approach and poke at him - at the first touch, he'd rear up and roar loudly, flailing his arms, baring his teeth, and make ineffectual grabs for our limbs. We would run screaming and laughing from the room, delightfully frightened and very pleased with this game. It would take us a few minutes of planning to work up to another assault, and the same thing would happen. This could go on for a long time, and we never got tired of it. On a few rare and special occasions, our uncle would be visiting and would play "Sleeping Bear" right alongside the giant. Oh, the paroxysms of joy.

As a parent, I now know that the snoring wasn't fake, the 'sleeping' was really happening in fits and spurts, that poor tired dad was in need of a nap and this was the best way he could fit it into his day. I think it was an ingenious adaptive game. I just wish that Pequita was old enough to enjoy a little terror in the name of fun.